


Behind Blue Eyes

by orphan_account



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 44,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Spiraling down a drain of despair after the Eve Wars, Heero finds redemption in the most unexpected place - right under his nose.
Relationships: Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy
Kudos: 14





	Behind Blue Eyes

Rain poured hard over the gray streets of the city. The mirror-glass windows were slick with water and covered with vapor from the inside. People ran up and down the pavement, rubbing their glove-clad hands while their trench coats flapped behind them. The consistent drizzle painted the streets with a darker shade, gathering in mirror-like puddles. Heavy gray clouds trailed lazily up in the heavens, crawling along the city skyline as they sprayed it with icy water.

The traffic, of course, was unaffected by the chilly winter weather, and the humming of vehicles could be heard clearly over the rain. The colorful traffic lights glittered over watery car tops. They painted the puddles on the road with flashing colors of red, yellow and green, disturbed only when a car raced through the puddle, splashing about.

In this frigid winter morning, people did not bother too much with being friendly. They rushed along the city streets, hurrying to their office where it was safe and warm. They didn’t spare each other one glance, their hands shoved deeply into their pockets and their gazes locked on the ground, trying to avoid the nasty puddles that tainted their path. Once in a while a person or two would stop, cursing as a car splashed them with water or after having their expensive shoes sink into a puddle.

Having all of their attention absorbed into their own selves, none of the passer-bys noticed the solemn young man walking among them. The man, barely out of his teens, was walking against the flow of people, hardly even trying to avoid colliding with any of them. His forlorn blue eyes were glued to the ground as he walked, his slim body shivering under his worn out jacket. The cheap brown jacket was wet from the rain, as was the boy’s chocolate brown hair, which was plastered to his face. The pale features were blank and unrevealing what went behind the expressionless visage. The young man’s eyes, though, told volumes of his past. Tales of sadness, anguish, hurt and longing hid within the mysterious blue oceans, as if held captive within an icy jewel-like prison.

The rain began to pour harder, and people ran towards their work place, some taking shelter inside the nearest skyscraper. The young man’s pace did not change, and still he kept walking slowly towards his destination, uncaring that his clothes were wet and his wild brown bangs were dripping water. After some time, when the chilly breeze has already managed to make his lips nearly blue, the young man stopped in front of a small, modest, diner. With a sigh that raised vapor from his lips, he pushed the heavy glass doors and entered.

Once inside the simple diner, he was grateful for the heat that surrounded him. He quickly shed his soaked jacket as he made his way to the kitchen. His uniforms, a pair of simple black trousers and a white, blue and pink collared-shirt, were also wet from the rain. His boss, a scornful old man, flashed him a harsh look over his newspaper. He watched as the teen arranged his things in the kitchen, nodded his hello to the cook and then turned to greet him as well. No words broke through the teen’s lips. It was the look in his eyes and the slight nodding of his head that spoke for him. The old man shook his head in disappointment and returned to his newspaper.

“You’re late, Yuy. Get to work.” He muttered sternly even as his young worker was already making his way out of the kitchen and out towards the service counter.

Not a word slipped passed the teen’s lips as he arranged his post behind the cash register, his slender shoulders still shivering from the cold, his teeth also chattering. He took his name-tag from a small shelf under the counter and pinned it to his front pocket in distaste. He eyed the letters spelling his name, a bit of sarcasm in his otherwise cold blue eyes. Although the name-tag did say ‘Heero Yuy’, he couldn’t honestly say that he had any other proof that it was indeed his name. As ridicules as it was, this silly name-tag was the only proof he had for even having a name. He carried no ID; he possessed no identity at all. As far as the modern, bureaucratic world was concerned, he didn’t even exist.

Maybe that was the reason he should be a bit more mindful of arriving to work in time. Not many places nowadays would hire someone who didn’t officially exist. As much as he hated this job, as much as he wanted to quit each time his boss gave him another lecture on whatever he felt like shouting at him at that moment, he knew that it was his only option right now.

The world was not kind to ex-soldiers with no identity. The post-war world was not as grateful as to be expected of it. He berated himself for expecting ANYTHING from a world that has so far proven hostile towards him. There wasn’t a moment in his life in which he recalled feeling at peace with the world. His life was a constant struggle, even now, nine months and three weeks after the end of the war.

Despite the freezing weather and rain, costumers did start to pour into the diner. He took their orders, served their food, thanked them politely for a small tip and just let the day pass by him in an agonizing pace. He hated his life, but he became numb towards the feeling. He simply learned to accept it.

* * *

Engulfed by bitterness, Heero finished his work for the day. He took his now dry jacket off the coat hanger in the kitchen, muttered an almost inaudible goodbye to his grumpy employer and left the diner. Outside, the wind was blowing hard, tousling his bangs wildly and spraying him with a cold shower of rain. He clutched his jacket close to his torso, as if the shabby piece of clothing will provide enough shelter from the cold. Unlike that morning, his pace was fast as he hurried towards the nearest bus station. He caught the bus just before its departure from the station, panting as he ran into the vehicle. He thanked the driver for waiting a second more, paid him and took a seat in the back of the bus.

Sighing, he slumped into the seat and wiped his damp bangs aside. He leaned heavily against the cool window, his numb blue eyes watching the city lights pass by in a blur. The streets were dark now, at this late evening hour. The wet asphalt roads and pavements reflected the many neon signs decorating the streets. Numerous people walked among the shops, despite the freezing weather. He thought about getting off by the nearest supermarket, but he had worked two shifts straight today and he was too exhausted to go and buy his weekly groceries. It can wait; he wasn’t hungry anyway. He hardly ever was. He only ate because he knew he had too, and even those cases were becoming rare. He wasn’t hungry, so why bother to spend money on food? It was just a big waste of something he was already running low on.

After a twenty minute bus ride, Heero was walking heavily towards his apartment building, his shoulders slumped and his gaze cast down. Though the rain had stopped pouring, the chilly wind was still howling, hitting his back harshly even as he entered the building.

Entering his small, one room, apartment, he dropped his keys on the small table by the door, and waddled tiredly towards his miniature kitchen. His movements were like an automaton as he placed a kettle on the stove and boiled some water. Opening the cupboard, he took out a large black mug, with a small chip and a crack on the edge. He sighed heavily as he worked through the motions, unthinking as his hands did the work they knew so well. His eyes showed how much the routine was killing him, but his hands still moved expertly, making a hot cup of tea.

Still in his wet uniforms, Heero sat by the small kitchen table, with barely enough room for one, and just stared ahead numbly.

The apartment was awfully quiet. The only light to illuminate the small flat was the dim light in the kitchen. Since the place was so small, it was enough to dimly light the living room as well. The sofa was open, taking the form of a small double bed. It took most of the open space in the living room, its edge nearly kissing the small counter on which an old 15” television set stood. A heavy quilt was tossed carelessly on the floor, the sheets tangled and messy - a result of another nightmare.

He didn’t bother to clean up the room before he left this morning. During the war he kept his things tidy like a good soldier should. Folding his blanket each morning, military style, and stretching the sheets so well that one could flip a coin on them and the coin will bounce back up. But now... now things were different. There was no point. No point at all. To nothing, really. He had dishes from days ago still lying in the sink, waiting to be washed. He was just too tired, too drained of energy to do anything. Sometimes he was so tired that he couldn’t even sleep.

He was cold. Inside and outside. He shivered in his wet clothing, the cool crisp air of the apartment digging into his skin. The heating broke down three days ago and the landlord was too much of a bastard to fix it. He would have done it himself, he surely didn’t lack the skill for it, but the cold made him even number. He simply didn’t care anymore.

He knew that he was depressed. He could recognize the symptoms well enough, but the paradox was that he was too depressed to even care.

* * *

One of the few joys he had in life - maybe even the only joy he had left - was a warm shower at the end of the day. He spent nearly an hour sitting on the greenish porcelain as he let the showerhead rain warm water on him. The hot currents caressed his body, soothing the numbness and cold for a little while. He scrubbed himself hard, washing his hands so many times until they ached.

Sometimes he could see it, the blood staining his hands. It was a constant feeling of filth clinging to his palms, but sometimes, just for a brief second, he could also see the dark crimsion on his hands. The images were mere flashes of something that wasn’t really there, but they were enough to convince him of its existence. When he showered, the feeling would disappear for a little while.

After making sure that his hands were red only because he had scrubbed them too hard, Heero stepped out of the shower. His skin covered with Goosebumps as he walked out of the bathroom and into the cool air of the apartment. He crawled into his sofa/bed, pulled the thick blanket as high as his neck, closed his eyes and pretended that he was dead. He pretended to be lying dead under the warm, soft, earth. Just lying still... listening to silence... The feeling was almost elevating. It was enough to sooth his mind for a few moments, just enough to relax and allow sleep to come.

The silent humming of traffic and the soft tapping of the rain on his window lulled him gently to sleep. In a matter of minutes he will awaken by a paranoid feeling that danger was nearby. The nagging feeling never left him be. He was going crazy, losing his sanity to mental residues of war. Feelings that stole sleep from his aching eyes, that jerked him awake and left him panting from fear in the middle of the night, were constant visitors to his sleep. They were even worse than the unvarying feeling of clotted blood on his hands.

Sometimes his mind would make up stories, sick fantasies of being watched. Being stalked. Tortured. Maybe even killed. He felt trapped, stuck in a corner with his back against the wall. He wanted to die and live at the same time. He wanted... all he really wanted was peace. Not the kind of peace he fought for, but the kind of peace that will let him sleep quietly through the night. He wanted someone to hold him. It was so cold...

Shivering in his bed, Heero closed his eyes tight and slipped into a haunted, restless sleep.

* * *

Another day was over, marking the end of his long week. He had forty eight hours before he had to go back to work. He would have liked to work during the weekend, but his boss did not allow it. The old man insisted that he needed to get a life. Heero guessed that he simply didn’t want to pay him so damn much. During this free time he usually slept, curled inside the warm covers. The rest of the weekend he spent working out, trying to keep in shape. There was no real reason for him to work so hard on his body, but at least if he kept himself busy, the demons would wait a little longer before haunting him.

And so, with the thought of a warm bed and a long sleep in mind, Heero made his way home. While walking the short distance from the bus station to his building, he stumbled into a woman, around forty or so, who’d apparently dropped her shopping bag and her groceries were scattered all over the pavement. He caught her sight just when she crouched to pick up her things, her hands feeling around as if she couldn’t see. Lying at her feet was a long metal rod, a walking cane of some sort, or rather a guiding cane. It didn’t take long for him to realize that she was blind.

Kneeling by her side, Heero reached for an orange and placed it carefully in her bag. “Here, ma’am, let me help.” He said, which was probably the first thing he said all week that didn’t involve the words “thank you” and “that will be a dollar ninety nine”.

He could hear the woman gasp silently and turn in the direction of his voice. She seemed stunned for a moment, before her features hardened with a glare. “I don’t need your help, boy, so back off.” She muttered, her unseeing blue eyes directed at him despite her blindness. If he had to take a wild guess, he’d say that she was “looking” at his mouth, the sound of his voice like a guide to her eyes.

He looked down at the fallen groceries, his eyes scanning the scene quickly and assessing the situation. He noted that the brown paper bag had torn, its bottom ripped to half. By the amount of groceries lying around them Heero concluded that they weighed too much for such a simple bag. There was no way the woman could use the torn bag, nor would she be able to carry these by herself along with the guiding cane she had to carry. She needed assistance even if she didn’t want it.

Taking a deep breath, Heero reached for another vegetable and began gathering the fallen items to his lap. “Your bag is torn,” He replied in his regular monotone. “I can help you.”

“I might be blind, boy, but I am not incompetent.” The woman muttered harshly, her dead eyes managing to look scornful despite their blindness. Crouching in front of her, Heero looked up at her with a slightly baffled expression. He couldn’t tear his gaze off her eyes. They were a very intense shade of blue, though they were dull and unfocused. However, despite the fact that her eyes had lost their light, there was still something burning within them. They were too hard, too harsh and unforgiving to be dead. Heero swallowed and hurried to look away. Those eyes were even more lifeless than his own eyes, in more ways than one.

Heero sighed and picked up that last of the groceries, cradling the large pile in his arms. He slowly rose to his feet and looked down at the woman. She slowly stood up herself.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said, knowing that he had doubted the woman’s ability and humiliated her. “I did not mean to offend you. The bag is torn, and the pile is quite heavy, so I thought...”

His voice slowly trailed off as he noticed that her features were slowly softening. He suddenly realized how beautiful the woman was. Despite the fact that she was old enough to be his mother, he had to admit that she was very attractive. Not that he was drawn to her, God forbid, but it was just something that registered somewhere in the back of his mind. She had long brown hair, which was a much lighter shade than his, and reached down to her knees. It was gathered in a simple braid, lying carelessly agaisnt her thick black raincoat. Her features were thin and her skin rather smooth for a woman her age. She was about his height, and her figure was slender. She had a very dignified air around her, something almost noble in the way she stood. Her body was rigid even though her features had softened a bit. He couldn’t help but sense that she was feeling threatened by him. He wondered what could have made her so distrustful. Then again, considering the war that had raged not so long ago, he shouldn’t be so surprised.

“I don’t mean any harm.” He finally finished, trying to look apologetic, though she couldn’t possibly see him. “I just thought I could be of assistance.”

The woman frowned, wrinkles appearing on her forehead. She seemed so suspicious of him, making him feel uncomfortable. “All right, if you insist. But I don’t want to be of any trouble.”

“You won’t.” He hurried to assure her. “I don’t have anything better to do anyway.”

The woman’s frown deepened, like she was thinking over what he said. It made him feel even more self-conscious. She was probably wondering what kind of a strange looser he must be. He sighed and shifted the groceries in his arms. He felt like her unseeing eyes were, in some bizarre way, seeing straight through him.

“Very well then,” the woman finally spoke, “My apartment building is right over here, so you won’t have to walk far anyway.” With this bitter explanation the woman flipped her hair back and began marching towards the nearest building. Heero followed her silently.

* * *

He wasn’t overly shocked to discover that the woman lived in the same building as he did. She lived two floors beneath his, in an apartment not much bigger than his own. Her flat contained a bedroom in addition to the living room, and it also had a bigger kitchen. It was dark and moldy like a rat hole. He was surprised to find that she lived in such poor conditions. He somehow assumed, with no good reason really, that the woman’s place would be different. Brighter, well decorated and filled with some pleasant scent. It was not the case. Her apartment was as cold as his was, dark as his was and just as messy. He assumed that she simply didn’t have the need to decorate the place. She couldn’t see it anyway. Still, it could have been nice because... because of what? He had no idea. All he knew is that it bothered him greatly to see another human being living a hell similar to his.

“Are you going to come in or just stand there and stare?” The woman half said, half growled at him. “If you say you live in this building, you shouldn’t be so surprised.” She muttered, walking into the small apartment, her long braid swining from side to side as she walked.

Heero turned to look at her, his expression stunned. She seemed to read him so well even without seeing his reactions. Was it just a good guess? A bitter assumption? It can’t be just a simple coincidence. Ah! Why was he thinking about it so hard?! He should just finish what he started and move on with his life.

He stayed long enough to help her place the groceries in place. The pantry’s door creaked when he opened it. He wasn’t stunned to find it mostly empty. There was only a half empty bag of rice and two can of some kind. The woman - he still didn’t ask for her name – placed the rest of her shopping in the small refrigerator. Heero noted that the old fridge was in desperate need for cleaning, but he didn’t say anything. It was none of his business.

When he was done, he merely stood there for a second, staring ahead. The woman was searching around with her hands until she found a small rusty kettle. She felt her way to the sink and filled it with water. Heero watched as she placed it on the stove and then began looking around for something else. A moment later and she still could not find it. Taking a deep breath, Heero walked over to the stove and reached for the small shelf above it. He picked up a small matchbox and handed it to the woman.

“Ma’am,” he said to draw her attention, but she was already “looking” at him with those accusing eyes of hers. Heero swallowed and placed the matchbox in her hands. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, backing away from her. “I’ll... I’ll leave now.” He added quietly, slowly turning around to exit the kitchen.

“Wait,” she called after him when he was nearly at the door.

Heero stopped and turned around. He saw her standing at the kitchen doorway, staring in his general direction. Again he was reminded that she couldn’t see him, which called for a verbal reply. He was speaking more than he had all week. Maybe even a month.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, trying to sound concerned though his voice was still a detached monotone. He hated it so much. He sounded as cold as he felt.

The woman’s frown disappeared. “Well, I suppose I should at least thank you.” She muttered as if she was displeased by the idea.

“There’s no need to thank me, ma’am.” Heero hurried to reply, shaking his head. “I’ve done nothing out of the ordinary.”

The woman snorted. “Helping a total stranger is something out of the ordinary nowadays.”

“I was just a nuisance and I have offended you. I apologize, and I don’t want to be thanked for it.” He turned back to the door.

“So, you’re not going to tell me your name?” The woman called after him again, her tone stubborn and demanding.

Heero froze with his hand on the doorknob, bowing his head slowly. “You can call me Heero.” He said quietly, opening the door. “Good night.” He added warily and quickly slipped out of the apartment.

The woman continued standing at the kitchen doorway, gazing unseeingly at the direction of the door. There was a sad and disappointed look on her face as she slowly closed her eyes and turned back to the kitchen.

* * *

New Year’s Eve of A.C 198 was even colder than the rest of the winter days. Rain was pouring hard over the city, washing the buildings and creating rivers instead of roads. Still, the streets were packed with people walking along the main entertainment districts of town. Neon signs glowed with a colorful aura, the streetlights surrounded by a glowing sphere of light created by the falling rain. Fog was crawling along the pavements, rolling down the streets like it was a living thing in itself.

The weather might have been gloomy, but the people’s joy was overwhelmingly great and the city radiated the public’s happiness. Sounds of cheers and music filled the damp streets. Cars passed by, splashing about as the sound of their horn played some silly melody. Once in a while a large van with huge speakers on its rooftop drove by, a few crazy teenagers standing on the roof or out its windows, dancing and calling out loudly. Even the security guards at the entrance of the clubs had to smile at the sight. These were the same ‘teens’ who fought bloody battles a year ago. There was more to celebrate besides the New Year. It was a celebration for peace, and the signs decorating the streets did not forget to remind people of that fact.

Wearing his shabby brown jacket and a pair of jeans that were already soaked with water, Heero walked down the streets. His hands were shoved into his pockets and his head was bowed as he kept watching the sidewalk. His wet bangs swung lazily back and forth, some plastered to his face. He passed by a gigantic sign that colorfully announced- ‘One year of peace and still counting!’. A large digital clock accompanied the words, the bright red digits counting the minutes of peace. There was also a flattering picture of the ultimate representative of peace- Ms. Relena (Peacecraft) Darlian. Heero shivered and just kept walking.

He walked the streets at night, without any real direction. He passed slowly by shopping centers, theaters, parks and other entertainment areas, but didn’t take the time to stop and have more than a glance. He was cold and shivering, his mood gloomier than ever. He had just greeted the new year in some shady bar, making a half-hearted toast for peace along with a drunk that sat by his side. After the real party started and people began to greet the New Year in their own ways, Heero just slipped out of his seat and left the bar.

He had no idea why he had gone out tonight. He rarely did. Only once in a long while he would go and have a drink somewhere, always alone, always brooding. Tonight was no different. He sat at the bar all by himself, isolated from the happiness around him. He sipped his beer slowly and then left when the couples on the dance floor began showing their affection in light of the New Year. It made him feel even lonelier.

With his hands shoved securely into his pockets, Heero walked down the different boulevards. He kept his gaze on the movement of his feet, his entire demeanor closed off and introvert. It was as if he wasn’t part of the world around him, trapped inside an invisible glass bubble that followed him wherever he went. He saw people laughing, enjoying themselves, but none of their joy managed to brush onto him. Even the loud beat of music ascending from the different clubs and buildings fell on deaf ears. There was no sound or warmth coming into his bubble. What did manage to break in, he ignored.

He didn’t feel like going home yet. His empty and cold apartment was something he was not ready to see yet. If anything, he should at least _try_ to surround himself with human company tonight. New Year’s Eve was the worst. The nightmares were even greater and he did everything in his power to stay away from bed. All he ever did at home was to sleep. He couldn’t afford to go to sleep right now. He should at least wait till daybreak. In the daytime, the nightmares were easier to bear.

So after hours of walking, he decided to enter one of the nearby theaters. He bought a single ticket and entered a late-night movie. The theater was rather empty and only a few couples were making out in the back seats. He ignored them and focused his tired, blood-shot eyes on the screen. It took him too long to realize that it was only cheap porn, and when his cheeks were red enough, he left. Disheartened, he returned to the silent avenues of the large city.

It was past three in the morning and the streets were emptier than before. Still the clubs were flooding the streets with music and various people gathered in groups wherever he looked. In this part of town, among all the XXX theaters, stripper clubs and other questionable entertainment means, he could see many ‘one-night’ couples walking about. Creatures of the night who aimed to seduce and rob you of your money in exchange for a few hours of pleasure. Once in a while a car would stop in front of one of those creatures and the bargaining would begin. Some couples were already making their way to the nearest motel. Heero ignored them and decided to just call it a night. He made a mistake by even trying to go out.

Walking with his eyes ‘glued’ to the ground, Heero didn’t even notice it until he bumped into someone. Sighing, he looked up and mumbled an apology.

“‘s alright.” A female voice with a heavy Southern accent answered in mild amusement. “Had too much ta drink, have ya?”

Frowning, Heero looked up. He ran his bored blue eyes up and down her skinny figure, examining everything- from her high-heeled boots, the black-netted pantyhose, the short leather skirt, and the white fur coat that barely reached her slim waist. Her face was painted with a lot of makeup, making her look like some doll out of a Stephen King horror flick. All in all, he was not impressed but she didn’t seem to notice for she sent him a seductive smirk and changed into a more ‘inviting’ pose.

“Like what you see?” She droned seductively, batting her eyelashes.

Heero didn’t answer, his eyes suddenly taking note of the long black hair that cascaded from her head and down to her knees. It was probably the only thing about her that was somewhat attractive. He turned his gaze up again, but his mouth remained shut.

The hooker smiled sweetly. “It’s a shame to see a pretty thing like you walk alone on a night like this... Care for some company?” She said, taking a few slow and graceful steps towards him. When she saw that he was not backing away, his eyes fixed somewhere between her ass and he knees, she smiled and wrapped an arm around his. She leaned to whisper in his ear, “I can make you feel real good for a really good price.”

Heero swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He could feel her press her body to his, hip to hip, side to side. The warmth coming out of her was almost intoxicating. His mind was already a bit fuzzy from drinking, and the heat at his side was only making it worse. After all, he was always so cold...

“How... much?” He asked, his voice shaky.

The prostitute smirked and leaned her head on his shoulder. With one arm still wrapped around his own arm, she reached a second hand to run gentle fingers up and down his thigh. “We can discuss this on the way.” She whispered in a low and sexy voice, her fingers trailing slowly up and down, brushing close to his crotch and then again. She smiled as she felt a shiver run through him, his knees almost giving way. This boy was going to be fun, she decided and began walking forward. She had to pull him with her the first few steps, but then he began walking on his own. She practically melted against his body, smearing herself on him as she led him to the nearest motel.

* * *

He had no idea what he was doing. This was probably just one big mistake. He shouldn’t have come here. He shouldn’t have been so easily convinced. But... but the need for company was too great. The urge to feel, to live, to be wrapped in warmth, suppressed all logic. He wanted this. Yes. He... he did. He wanted this. Didn’t he?

Taking a deep, shaky, breath, Heero slowly looked up from the floor. He took a moment to scan the small room. There was nothing there but a lumpy old bed, a small window with dusty drapes, a tiny dresser and a bottle of whisky lying on it. The room was dark, and the only source of light was the red and green of the motel’s neon sign outside the window. It cast an eerie aura on everything, reminding Heero of some hellish dream or a twisted reality. The bed was lighted with red, and the room smelled badly. Like cheap sex and liquor. Looking down at his hands, he could see that he was painted with green. His hands were sweaty and suddenly the room was too hot. He didn’t want to be here.

“Make yourself comfortable.” The hooker spoke softly, still facing the door as she shed her fur coat and slipped out of her boots. She turned around from the door and looked at the young man standing in the middle of the small room. Despite the fact that he was still wearing his wet and shabby jacket, she could see how stiff and tense he was. His expression was somewhat lost and confused. She almost pitied him.

Sighing silently, she forced a smile and approached him slowly. “Would you like me to turn the light on?” She asked, just to get things going.

The young man was still staring down at his hands as he silently mumbled, “No...”

The woman nodded. “All right.” She said and stood before him. She reached a white and slender hand to his chin and carefully raised his head up to look at her. She pinned him with her sharp gaze, taking a moment to assess what she was dealing with. She smiled sweetly when she realized that his boy was younger than her. Just a lost and confused little boy.

She scanned his thin figure up and down, focusing briefly on his groin before looking up into his nervous eyes. “First time, huh?” She concluded with a smirk, which made Heero even more uncomfortable. Without even noticing, he took a small step back.

“N-no. It’s... not.” He mumbled, his nervous blue eyes shifting restlessly from one spot to another, as if sensing danger. He was feeling like the room was closing in on him, the walls and the ceiling crushing him down. He wanted to get out of there, to flee into safety, but he refused to move. He will not give up so easily. He reminded himself that _he_ was the one in control of the situation, not the other way around. He was the one to choose this. He was the more powerful one, the dominant one. Not the other way around. He was in control. No harm would come to him this time. He was in full. Control.

Then why did his legs feel weak? Why was he trembling under his jacket? Why was every nerve in his body screaming at him to flee? What was wrong? He wanted this. He did. He needed this, desired it. He wanted to drown himself in something intoxicating and wild. Something that will give him warmth, envelope him with pleasure. The company of a fellow human being... such close intimacy... he longed for it. He wanted it. He was going to control it! Not the other way around!

“Have you ever been with a woman then?” The hooker asked again, her voice sweeter and less accusing than before.

The boy did not answer. He did lower his gaze though, and that was enough of an answer. She sighed quietly; her hands beginning to slowly travel over her own body. She began performing a little striptease for him, moving her body in a slowly and seductive dance. It took the young man a while to notice, and when he finally raised his head up he was transfixed. The prostitute smirked and began stripping and teasing him more boldly. Soon enough she was standing only in her lacework panties, looking at him with a lustful gaze.

Heero swallowed and fidgeted in his spot. He wanted this. He did. He... he did.

She was annoyed by his impassiveness, but she was too much of an expert to let it show. Instead, she took his sweaty hand in hers, and gently guided it towards her body. She spread his palm and let it lie on her breasts. She flinched at how cold he was and her skin covered with Goosebumps. She could feel his nervous eyes on her, watching his hand on her skin like it was a dream of some sort.

“It’s your turn.” She whispered, leaning forward and reaching her hands to his jacket. She slowly peeled it off him, letting it slide down his shoulders and to the floor. He barely responded when she slipped her experienced hands under his shirt. She smirked happily when her fingers encountered his muscled flesh. If nothing else, at least this boy had the proper body.

Heero closed his eyes tight, trying to resist the urge to yank the hooker’s hands off of him. He bit his lower lip when she began teasing his nipples, his heart beating faster, not with lust but with fear. The mantra began again, swirling in his head. He had chosen this; he was in control of this. He was the dominant one. The stronger one. The one who’s in control.

However, no matter how many times he repeated the mantra in his head, he still couldn’t relax enough and let himself enjoy this. His body did not respond to her teasing. The fear was too great, the painful past overwhelming him.

When she finally shoved her hands down his pants, Heero flinched and pulled back.

Annoyed, the hooker rolled her eyes and sighed. “What is the matter with you?!” She demanded in her heavy accent.

“I’m... I’m sorry.” He mumbled, his cheeks burning with shame. He couldn’t even get himself up for her. His heart was beating too fast. It hurt. “I’m... It’s just... it’s... it’s h-hard for me t-to...” He stammered, blushing furiously and keeping his gaze on the floor. He wanted to get out of there so badly!

“Oh.” She let out, and then suddenly smirked. “I see...” She continued, her voice taking a seductive tone again. “It’s nothing I can’t help you with...” She assured him, taking a few steps forward and closing the distance between them. In a second, her hand was gripping his balls tightly, rubbing them through the fabric of his pants.

Heero jumped up and yelped, his breath caught in his throat. He sagged against her as she began massaging him with her long fingers. His breath was coming in short and irregular gasps, a few choked whimpers tearing out of his throat. He closed his eyes tighlty, tears lingering to his long eyelashes. A warm feeling spread through him and caressed his every nerve. It felt so good... His body responded quickly, his erection growing and pulsing in his pants. The movement of her fingers became bolder, stronger and demanding. She reached for his hardening sex and gave it a good squeeze.

Heero gasped and his body tensed as if he was hit by lightning.

“N-no...” the word slipped out of his lips before he even thought of protesting. He was losing his control. He was not in control at all! It was just like... just like all those other times...

The feeling of unease grew with each of her strokes and the pleasure was quickly fading. The hand down his pants was making him very uncomfortable. He pulled away from her, panting.

“...stop.” He asked, taking a few steps back, his whole body trembling with the aftermath of their actions. He was still hard, but his erection was slowly dying.

Anger flashed on the hooker’s face. She eyed him in annoyance. “Fine.” She spat, throwing herself down on the bed and flipping her long hair back. “What’s the matter boy, girls don’t do it fer ya?” She teased, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Maybe all you really need is a good fuck in the ass. I know someone who can help you.” She smiled teasingly, mockingly, looking at him with a pair of disdainful eyes.

Fucked? Oh, he’s already been fucked well enough. Fucked up by life, fucked by J, by drunken OZ soldiers... he had enough of being fucked. He just wanted... he just wanted someone to hold him... Someone to chase the cold away. To make the loneliness disappear.

“Can’t we just... just... talk?” He mumbled uncertainly, looking up at her with shimmering blue eyes.

“Talk?” She let out, surprised. “You just want to talk?”

Heero nodded.

The hooker sighed. “Fine.” She muttered, rolling her eyes. “It’s your money.” She tapped on the bed, gesturing him to come and sit by her side.

His legs were still trembling as he walked over to the bed and carefully sat down beside her. He moved away from her, so that their bodies won’t touch. His body was stiff and rigid. He was nervous and uncomfortable. For a long while he just sat there with his hands on his knees and his gaze at the floor. His eyes glazed over as he just kept staring at the tip of his shoes, thinking about nothing. Somewhere in the back of his mind his own screams echoed from within a dark OZ prison cell, his voice, hoarse and pitiful, begging someone to stop.

“Stop! Stop it! Please! Please stop...”

Heero shivered and closed his eyes. The screams slowly faded.

“Maybe you should go.” The woman suggested with an impatient voice. She sighed and leaned back on the bed, pushing her long hair back. “You’re just wasting yer doe and I got more cooperative customers waiting for me on the streets.”

Heero sighed heavily, slowly opening his eyes. Without a word, he got up, pushing his body off the bed with great effort. He didn’t look back at her as he walked to the door, stopping just to pick his jacket from the floor. It was still wet and he felt so terribly cold as he slipped into it. Mumbling a small “thank you”, he walked out of the room, leaving a fifty-dollar bill behind him.

* * *

It was half past five in the morning when Heero finally arrived to his apartment building. Dawn was breaking outside the dark lobby, washing the wet streets with a faint white glow. The elevator was malfunctioning again, so he had to take the stairs. When he finally arrived to his apartment, exhausted in every way possible, Heero collapsed on his sofa/bed and slipped into a dark oblivion.

He awakened ten hours later by the feeling of hunger. His stomach growled furiously, and it felt like the sound of it was echoing inside the famished organ. The feeling of nausea and emptiness reminded him that he hadn’t eaten in nearly three days. He moaned in displeasure, not ready to wake up yet. This new year had nothing to offer him; he just wanted to stay in bed forever. He nestled himself deeper into the warm covers, pulling the blanket over his head to hide from the light coming from the window.

His stomach growled again, almost painfully. He was so terribly hungry. Opening one eye, Heero peeked ahead from behind messy bangs. He pulled the blanket down a bit so he will have a good view of the kitchen. The refrigerator was standing there silently, heavy, bulky and indifferent to anything around it. His whole apartment looked like it didn’t care for him at all. Sometimes he felt like it didn’t want him there. Even inanimate objects disliked him. 

The heck with them, Heero decided and hurried to hide under the blanket again. It’s not like the stupid fridge had anything to offer him. It’s probably empty anyway. He tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his empty stomach and go back to sleep. After about half an hour he found that sleep had deserted him and there was no gaining it back. Sighing, he sat up and slowly got out of bed. Picking up a discarded towel from the floor, Heero flipped it over his shoulder and headed to the bathroom. His blue eyes gleamed with bitterness and sarcasm.

So this is AC 198...

* * *

He allowed himself a long shower and then quickly slipped into the cleanest looking clothes he had lying around. He rummaged through every pocket he had for a few ragged bills until he had enough to buy himself something small to eat. Running a hand through his unruly, uncombed, hair, he stepped out of the apartment and headed down the stairs.

When he made his way down, walking across one of the floors bellow his, he was surprised to see that woman, his blind neighbor, crouching on the floor in front of her apartment door. His eyes were drawn to her long brown hair, which fell smoothly over her back, glowing under the dim light washing the hallway. By the way she was feeling around with her hands he could tell that she was searching for something.

He stopped for a moment, standing by the stairs. He could easily continue his journey down and ignore her, but for some reason he felt that he shouldn’t. She might not be the nicest of people one could offer help to, but he couldn’t just leave her. Sighing to himself, Heero marched towards her, his footsteps silent against the cheap carpet that decorated the hallway. Despite his silent approach, the woman turned to ‘look’ up at him when he was about to reach her.

“Who is it?” She asked, her voice distrustful. There was a scowl on her face as she moved her head slightly from side to side, as if searching for someone.

“It’s me again. Heero.” He answered, his voice coming out callous and numb, even to his own ears. “I helped you a few days ago.”

“Yeah, I remember.” She muttered, lowering her head again as if looking at the floor. She sighed in annoyance. “Will it be too much to ask for your assistance once again?”

Heero shook his head, and there was a brief silence until he realized that he should offer a verbal reply. “Not at all, ma’am.”

“Nora.” The woman mumbled, head still bowed. She was still kneeling on the floor, so her voice came out a bit muffled.

“Pardon?” Heero asked innocently, kneeling down by her side.

The woman sighed in annoyance. “My name is Nora, so stop calling me ‘ma’am’ all the time. It makes me feel so damn old!”

“I’m sorry.” Heero apologized earnestly. “I didn’t know your name.”

“Well, obviously!” She growled, waving her hands in the air. Heero couldn’t help but feel like he was just bothering her again, instead of helping as he intended to do.

“I lost my key.” Nora suddenly said, her voice silent as if she was actually ashamed of asking for his help. “I’ve searched for what feels like hours, but I can’t seem to find it.” She explained with a heavy sigh, her hands feeling around as if to prove her point.

Heero nodded in understanding, his eyes already scanning the scene in search for the lost key. It didn’t take him long to spot it lying inside a small crack between the wooden floor and the wall, partly tucked beneath the carpet. It was rather hard to find by feeling around, and the only reason he had spotted it was because the tip of the metal key caught some of the light pouring from the hallway window and sort of “twinkled” at him. He reached two slender fingers to carefully retrieve the fallen key. He handed it to the woman.

“Here you go.” He said, nudging the key close to her hand until it poked her a little. She quickly turned her palm around and took it from him.

“Thank you.” She mumbled, getting up. Heero followed suit, standing in front of her while trying to think of a way to say goodbye. He was stunned to see her smile at him all of a sudden. It was a small and bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“You saved me again.” She stated in mild amusement, her blind blue eyes looking at his general direction.

“It was nothing.” He assured her. The silence returned and the atmosphere seemed heavy all of a sudden. His stomach was still demanding to be fed, calling out angrily for his attention.

“Are you hungry?” Nora suddenly asked, and Heero’s cheeks reddened a little. Was it possible that she had heard him?

“Uh, I was just on my way to the store.” He mumbled in a useless attempt to sound less embarrassed than he was.

The woman nodded slowly, looking thoughtful all of a sudden. The silence returned between them, until Heero decided that it was time to leave. He was just taking a first step backwards, when Nora spoke again.

“Heero,” she began rather silently, just gaining his attention.

“Yes?” He asked, turning back to face her. He didn’t know why, but all of a sudden a small bud of hope was blossoming inside him. He hated hope. It only made the pain worse when it was crushed along with all other feelings he had managed to salvage.

“Well, it might sound a bit strange, but...” She continued sheepishly, shifting her weight from side to side. She flipped her long hair back in a nervous gesture.

“What is it?” He urged her, his stomach growling again as a wave of dizziness and nausea coursing through him. He should really get some food into his system.

“Well, you see, I’ve prepared an osechi last night, and I seem to have made too much, so...”

“Osechi?” Heero cut in, raising an eyebrow.

A sheepish smile appeared on her lips. She nodded. “Yes. It’s Japanese. It’s a customary meal for the New Year.”

Now he was frowning, quite confused. “Japanese? H-how did you know I was Japanese?”

Nora seemed stunned, her expression confused. In less than a second, she was smiling again and shrugging casually. “Ah well, I mean, I heard it. In, in your voice. You have a slight accent.” She let out in a rush of words, turning her head aside for a moment.

“I do?” He wonered out loud.

“Don’t worry, it’s hardly noticeable.” She hurried to assure him, only now turning back to face him. “It’s just that I have a very acute sense of hearing. And, uh, your name, of course!”

“Oh.” He let out, still confused. The silence returned for a few moments more, until Nora spoke again. She took a step towards him, raising her eyes to his general direction.

“So... would you... would you like to join me?”

There was something almost desperate in her voice. A sort of a lonely plea he knew all too well. He could easily sympathize with it for it was the same pain running through his own veins.

“Um...” He stammered, still thinking if he should. He didn’t know what to make of this invitation. One minute this woman was bitter and distrustful and a moment later she invites him in for a meal? And a Japanese meal nonetheless! What was going on here?

“It’s just a token of gratitude.” The woman assured him, her voice slightly shaking for some reason. “I’m sure you don’t want to spend the first day of the New Year with a grumpy old lady, but...” Her voice trailed off and she sighed. He could see her shoulders slump and she slowly turned to the door. “Oh well, it was just a thought...” She mumbled, trying to get the key into the lock.

Taking a deep breath, Heero allowed himself a small smile – it’s not like anyone could see it - and nodded his head. “Sure,” he said, walking to the door as well. “‘I’d love to.”

Nora nodded in acknowledgment, hiding her own smile for she had heard the smile in Heero’s voice. His tone was lighter when he smiled. She decided that it suited him better to smile, and quickly opened the door for him.

“Please, come in.”

* * *

He fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat as he watched Nora wander around the kitchen while warming up the small meal. He felt nervous for some reason, out of place. He was silent as he watched her arrange the table, feeling like he should help her out but not having the nerve to offer. He was afraid to disgrace her. The only sound in the kitchen was the clacking of the silverware against the table as Nora carefully lay it down. Heero wondered if he should say anything, but nothing came up. The atmosphere was heavy for some reason. He wished badly that it wasn’t so.

Looking down at the knife and fork lying in front of him, he finally thought about something to say. He looked up in her direction where she was standing by the stove and making some tea.

“Isn’t it customary to eat it with chopsticks?” He asked, his voice coming off as too loud in the silent kitchen. He swore that he could see her flinch, like she was unused to hear someone else’s voice.

She chuckled bitterly, picking up a kettle and carefully pouring water into a couple of mugs. “Have you ever tried eating anything with chopsticks while blindfolded?”

Realizing his foolish mistake, Heero bowed his head and berated himself for his foolishness. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, deciding it will be better to keep his mouth shut for he obviously had nothing useful to say.

“It’s all right.” She assured him, walking over to the small kitchen table with two steaming mugs in her hands. “I sometimes forget I’m blind as well. I keep expecting to see the light when I wake up each morning.”

Heero swallowed, debating whether or not to ask the obvious question. His curiosity and the need to break the silence won over his sheepishness. “Were you...”

“Always blind?” Nora interjected, her voice lighter than he expected it to be. “No.” She let out with a sigh, shaking her head. “Not always.”

Heero nodded and bowed his head again. Nora served the meal to the table. For a long while they ate in silence. Heero was picking at his food at first, until his hunger grew by tenfold after a few small bites and he quickly devoured his meal. He could have sworn he heard her chuckle silently, so he began eating more slowly, trying to be as polite as his hunger allowed him.

“So...” Nora began, brushing a few chunks of long hair out of her eyes and over her shoulders. “How old are you, Heero?”

Heero looked up, his features stunned for a moment, frozen in mid-bite. He hurried to swallow and since he didn’t respond verbally, the woman continued.

“Wait, let me guess.” she said, “You sound young... but you’re not a teenager, right?” Heero looked up, surprised, but still provided no answer. The woman continued. “No offence, but it’s just that you sound too mature to be an adolescent. I’d say you’re about... twenty?”

Heero cast his gaze down and reached for his tea. “Close.” He whispered, taking a small sip. “I’m going to be eighteen this year.”

“Oh.” She let out, frowning. “And you live alone?”

“Yes.” He replied in a quiet, solemn voice. He wrapped his palm around the warm mug, trying to force some heat into his body. Staring at his drink, he took a shaky breath and spoke. “I live two floors above yours.”

The woman nodded in understanding. “I see.” She whispered, bowing her head and staring at her drink with unseeing eyes. The silence carried on. Both of the table’s occupants just sat with their shoulders slumped and their heads bowed. There wasn’t even a clock to tick and break the silence. It was as if each of them was alone, surrounded by soundproof walls. They continued eating is silence. When Heero finished his meal, still hungry but not saying anything about it, he returned to slowly drinking his tea while trying to think of something else to say. This was the first _real_ conversation he had in almost a year. The few words that passed between them awakened his need for conversation even more. He suddenly realized that he was unused to the sound of his own voice.

“Anou,” he began and then quickly stopped himself. Nora turned her blind gaze at him and he swallowed nervously. “M-may I ask why you’ve prepared a Japanese meal? I, I don’t know much about the New Year, but is it... is it a normal thing to do?”

The woman sighed, sipping her tea before answering. “It’s a tradition, I guess. Old habits die hard.”

Heero frowned. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”

Nora turned back to him with a smile. “Never mind. Did you like it?”

He nodded, and then after a while: “Uh, yes. Ari-uh-thank you.” Why was he stammering like an idiot?! What a way to impress a person! Then again, why did he have to impress anyone? Nora didn’t seem to mind. In fact, her smile only grew.

“I’m glad. Would you like some more? For some absurd reason I made enough for three people at least...” She didn’t even wait for an answer and already got up, taking his plate with her. The silence returned when they both continued to eat, but for some reason, it was a much more pleasant silence. Half an hour later, Heero wasn’t so embarrassed about asking for more. Nora complied with a small smile, the bitterness in her voice also fading as she coaxed a nice and quiet conversation out of him.

* * *

Weeks coated with silence crawled by after his brief staying at Nora’s. Days spent with bitterness and cold slowly passed by him, engulfing him with more numbing loneliness. His apartment seemed chillier after he had spent a few hours with some company. The little time he had spent with Nora awakened something in him, something that the cold and loneliness had managed to numb to the point of none-existence. His need for socializing, for being near someone, for hearing someone laugh. The frozen need was brushed with a bit of warmth, melting the ice that gathered at the edges. His loneliness only grew after being eased for a short, brief, while.

Seeking more of this warmth that had eased the chill in his heart, Heero headed out to the streets. Instead of going straight to bed after work, he showered, changed out of his uniforms and went out. He walked into the first pub he stumbled upon, making his way straight to the bar. He quickly shrugged off his battered brown jacket, remaining in a white dress shirt that clung to his muscled torso and a pair of black slacks that hugged his lower body perfectly. It was probably the only thing he owned that wasn’t a ragged pair of jeans or a T-shirt. He wasn’t even sure why he owned this particular attire, or when he had bought it, but he really didn’t care.

His hair was damp from the rain, some wild bangs clinging to his forehead. He brushed them aside and gestured to the bartender. Ordering himself a drink, he leaned on the counter and just... waited. He wasn’t completely sure why he was doing this to himself. The words the hooker had spat his way a few weeks ago still echoed in his head.

_‘What’s the matter, boy, girls don’t do it fer ya?’_

Heero closed his eyes and took a long sip from his drink.

_‘Maybe all you really need is a good fuck in the ass.’_

Maybe. Maybe not. He didn’t know. He just knew that he wanted someone to be with him. Be it male or female, he just wanted to be... he just wanted to be held. Was it too much to ask for?

Sighing, he finished his drink with a long gulp and quickly asked for more.

“Got anything stronger?” He asked the bartender, who was eyeing him suspiciously. The boy seemed too young, though it was a little hard to tell. His features were too harsh and his eyes too hard to be young, but his pretty face was as boyish as can be. The sign above the bar declared that underage drinking was not allowed. The bartender ran his eyes over the boy once again.

“Got some I.D?” He asked roughly and Heero let out a bitter chuckle. He wasn’t drunk yet, barely even tipsy, but he was lightheaded enough to snort/giggle at the question. The only “I.D” he could claim to have is a silly nametag on his ridicules uniforms at a miserable old diner. And even the name written on that tag was not his real name. So, when it came down to it, he simply didn’t have an identity, so how could he POSSIBLY be carrying any I.D?! It was ludicrous!

Chuckling bitterly, Heero thrust his bangs out of his eyes and raised his head to look up at the bartender. “Just give me more, all right?” He muttered, throwing a twenty-dollar bill at the counter. “And keep them coming.”

Shrugging, the bartender hurried to comply.

It was only after three more glasses of strong liquor that Heero began noticing that people were staring at him. He could feel the burning acid feeling of someone’s eyes on his back, and a few other glances from both left and right. Suddenly feeling very self-conscious, Heero wiggled a little in his seat and brushed his bangs back carefully. He lifted his drink slowly; his head bowed as he drank though his eyes were looking aside, scanning the room. He could see three young women at one corner of the bar, sending glances his way and then speaking among themselves. Looking the other way, he spotted two other girls who were looking at him and then arguing about something. He gulped his drink quickly and then slammed it on the counter.

“Refill.” He slurred, thrusting his head aside in order to push his bangs out of his eyes. The world swirled around him a little, and the little sexy gesture did not go unnoticed by his surrounding.

Soon enough, the first female approached him. She eyed him like a piece of meat and then began making some sort of a useless conversation. He hated the way she kept looking down at his crotch or his ass instead of looking him in the eye. He kept mostly quiet when she spoke to him, only answering her with short and curt replies. She lost interest pretty quickly and left. He was still debating whether he’d pushed her away on purpose or was it simply because his poor people skills, when another one approached him.

She was rather sweet, and a bit uncertain, but she kept invading his personal space. She made him uncomfortable and even when he tried to speak with her, he couldn’t find what to say. He found himself lost and confused, just staring at her while she waited for him to speak. This girl also backed away fairly quickly, and he just scowled at himself and ordered another drink.

The third left when she found out that he was three years younger than her and the forth left when he growled at her angrily. The fifth was confident, so he simply ignored her and by the time the sixth approached him Heero was ready to bolt and leave. None of them sparked even the tiniest bit of interest in him. Some were very attractive, he supposed, but none made him feel like it was worth it. Maybe he was wrong by coming here. He should just finish his drink and leave. He was a fool for even trying.

When he finished his last drink for the night, Heero swerved slightly from side to side in an attempt to get up. He was seeing everything in fuzzy slow motion, everything a blur before it stabled and stood still. He chuckled shortly at his own expense, trying to get off his stool without falling.

“Leaving so soon?” A voice interrupted his efforts to stand straight, and he blinked drunkenly, looking up with a pair of glazed blue eyes.

“Huh?” He let out, his voice sluggish. He looked up, his vision coming in and out of focus, but he did manage to catch a blurry look at the large figure blocking his way. The figure was tall and broad, dressed in stylish black clothing, though it just looked like a big black blob to Heero. A blob that was making it quite difficult for him to leave!

“Outoftheway...” He managed to somehow mumble, pushing the bulky figure aside in a half hearted, drunken, attempt. His strength was not in any way close to have any real affect on the steady figure, and Heero frowned in displeasure. He turned his head up to look at the figure’s face, trying to look angry despite the fact that he was too dizzy to focus his eyes on anything.

“Move.” He ordered, his voice steadier than before, more urgent. He felt like there was fire flowing through his veins. He really needed to take a piss.

The figure chuckled in amusement and the part of Heero’s mind that wasn’t _too_ drunk, supplied him with the information that it was a man’s voice.

“I’m sorry.” The man said, his voice smooth and confident. “I was just a little disappointed that you decided to leave so soon.” He explained, laying a hand on Heero’s shoulder. The boy tensed under the warm touch, but still he let the heavy palm gently push him back to his seat. He slumped down on the stool, nearly falling. The man quickly caught him and helped him straighten up, laughing pleasantly at Heero’s baffled look. He had a nice voice, Heero decided. It was warm and bittersweet. Like honey. He smiled and looked up at the man.

“I ran out of money.” He said, his voice a bit slurred but more or less coherent. He leaned one elbow on the bar and rested his head on is heavily. He looked up at the man, batting his eyelashes lazily. “Care to buy me some more?”

The man chuckled again and took a seat next to the boy. “I think you had enough to drink for one night.” He said, his eyes – their color was dark but Heero was too drunk to decide their exact shade – looking down at him warmly.

“Oh?” Heero replied with a smirk, straightening in his seat. “So you’ve been watching me?”

The man smiled in amusement, his eyes watching the boy intently. “You’re hard to miss. And I’ve noticed that a pretty angel like yourself has no problem attracting any of the female kind, but I get the feeling that it isn’t exactly what you want.” He finished by placing his large, warm, hand on Heero’s thigh, looking deeply into the boy’s eyes as he leaned closer to whisper in his ear. “Am I right?”

Heero shivered at the small touch of air in his ear. He could feel the heat emitting from the man - he was so close... – and it intoxicated him even further.

“They didn’t make me feel warm.” He found himself saying; unaware that he was barely making any sense. The hand on his thigh was slowly caressing him. His body was immediately flooded with heat. He jumped up in his seat as the man’s hand brushed close to his groin. The man was whispering in his ear again.

“And does this make you feel any...” He used one finger to trace Heero’s hardening arousal. “Warmer?”

The heat grew like a burst of flames. He was practically melting in his chair, purring against the man’s touch.

The man smirked and leaned closer to gently nip at his ear. Heero let out a quiet whimper.

“Your place or mine?” The man whispered in a low and sexy voice, making Heero shiver.

He swallowed despite the fact that his mouth was dry and shakily whispered back: “...which one is closer..?”

* * *

The minute they walked into Heero’s apartment the man had Heero pinned against the door and kissing him passionately. Heero melted under his kiss, sagging against the door when his legs gave way. The man’s hands were everywhere on him, sliding under his shirt and caressing every part of him. He had such big, warm, callous hands... He had Heero moaning and squirming under him, the boy’s body quivering with need and pleasure. The man’s leg slowly nudged its way between Heero’s thighs, carefully parting them and sliding perfectly between his legs. Heero moaned loudly into the man’s mouth, letting the man’s tongue caress every part of his mouth as they kissed. He began grounding himself against the man’s thigh, rubbing his growing arousal against the rough fabric of the man’s pants. His hands were also coming to life, the desire coursing through his body guiding them up the man’s body, and down again. He ran his trembling hands – the kiss was so intense it had him shaking – over the man’s broad torso, gliding under his buttoned shirt and feeling his flesh.

When they parted for air, both out of breath and panting, the man was still leaning heavily over Heero’s smaller body, looking down at him with lustful eyes.

“Is this your first time?” He asked, panting. He bent down to nibble the boy’s ear.

His legs shaking, his heart pounding and every part of him becoming warm goo, Heero leaned his head against the man’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, a shiver running through him.

“No...” He whispered sadly, opening a pair of forlorn blue eyes and gazing ahead. The man’s tongue licked his ear and he let out a small whimper, nearly collapsing to the floor.

“It... it’s not...” He continued quietly, shamefully, the dark images of his past and the pleasurable ministrations of the present making his head whirl. “T-there were... there were others... before...” He tried to explain, thrusting his head back and crying out as the man began sucking and licking his neck.

“Good.” The man whispered against his slick neck, blowing air over the wet saliva that coated the boy’s throat. “I’d like this to be special for you...” He breathed into the boy’s neck, licking a wet trail from his shoulder to his ear.

“M-me too... “ Heero stuttered, his body shivering as an acid fire of lust coursed through his veins and burned him from within. He gave up on attempting to explain his shameful past. He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He just hoped that this man would not prove to be like his previous experiences, which were painful beyond belief. As a matter of fact, he found that he didn’t really care how much it would hurt. He needed to feel, and he needed this kind of an intense and brutal experience to awaken some feeling in him.

With that resolve Heero wrapped his arms around the larger man and pushed himself up to his tiptoes to meet the man in another mind-blowing kiss. His body was burning, he felt like it was too hot to breathe. And he loved every minute of it.

A few minutes later found Heero lying on his sofa/bed, his legs thrown up in a 90-degree angle as the man slammed himself into him. His cock jerked up and down as the man drove into him violently, slamming him into the back of the sofa. The bed rocked from side to side, nearly tipping over from the force of their movements. The man grabbed his hips forcefully and drove even deeper into him. Heero’s back curled so that his kneecaps were nearly colliding with his chest, moving back and forth in rhythm of the man’s thrusts. His ass rose high in the air, granting the man _deep_ access into his body. He could almost lick his own cock as his hips were pushed closer and closer towards his chest. This had him moaning even louder, the sight so terribly arousing. He moaned and groaned like a whore, enjoying himself beyond belief. The experience was SO intense that Heero found himself whimpering with pleasure.

His erection bounced up and down as the man continued ramming him into the sofa, the man’s big hands traveling all over his body. Heero cried out loudly as he reached down and grabbed his painfully hard erection. He began pumping it in time with the man’s thrusts, groaning in pleasure as he squeezed his shaft hard and painful. He enjoyed the forceful treatment. Enjoyed hearing the man’s grunts and panting as he drove deeper and deeper into him. His prostate was hit every single time, causing him to scream in pleasure. He begged for more. He begged it to be deeper, harder, fiercer. He was enjoying it so much he began crying. Tears streamed down his cheeks and still he begged for more. The feeling was just too intense, the pleasure too great. It was just cheap, hard and painful sex; fast and furious but it had him weeping and moaning at the same time.

The experience was so releasing that it only made it more intense for him. He took pleasure from it despite the obvious fact that it was just a quick, ruthless, fuck. Despite that there was no love in it. He took all he could get. Years of pent up tension and frustrations finally found release. He wasn’t surprised that he was crying. He didn’t even try to stop it. He wanted this release, needed the relief he felt course through him as he exploded with a scream. He came violently, his body convulsing on the bed and his hips rising even higher to meet the man’s thrusts. Hot sperm shot out of his cock and sprayed his face. After the man climaxed as well, he bent down to lick Heero’s semen of his tearful face. Soon he began driving into him again. They went at it again and when Heero came a second time, he actually blacked out.

* * *

He awoke a while later, when the first rays of dawn were breaking outside his window. His eyes still closed, Heero slid a hand over the sheets, searching for the warmth that was there but a few moments ago. The sheets were still warm, but the body that had been lying next to him while he slept was gone. Panicked, Heero snapped his eyes open and looked up.

The man was sitting at the edge of the sofa/bed, just finishing putting his shirt on.

Heero blinked, confused, and slowly rose up.

“Are you... are you leaving?” He asked, his voice small and careful.

“Yeah.” The man breathed, buttoning his shirt. “It’s late and I should get going.”

“Stay a little longer.” Heero asked, nudging himself closer to the man and trying to push him back to the bed. “Lie with me a little.” He whispered, his hand gently holding the man’s shirt. He wanted to curl beside him a little... just snuggle for a little while... to feel warm again...

“Hold me?” He asked, his voice timid and small. It was barely heard, even in the silence of the room.

The man sighed, throwing his legs down to the floor. He bent down to pick his shoes. “Sorry, kid. It’s been sweet, but I gotta go.” He said casually, putting on one shoe and getting ready to put the other. “You’re a real doll, but I gotta wife n’ a kid waiting for me to come home.”

Heero’s eyes widened and he quickly pulled back. “I... I... I didn’t think you’d be...”

“Married?” The man chuckled, shaking his head as he got up. “You got a lot to learn, kid.” He said, tucking his shirt into his pants.

“But...” Heero let out, having nothing to say. His eyes stung a little, stubborn tears insisting on coming out. They shouldn’t. What did they expect? A ‘happily ever after’ with this guy? He didn’t even know his name!

Tired and dejected, Heero threw himself back onto his pillow. The room was cold again.

“I don’t know what you were expecting, kid, but...” the man mumbled with a sigh, reaching a hand into his pocket. Looking at the place, in its poor and gloomy condition, the man pulled out something out of his pocket and turned back to face Heero. “It’s not much, but here.” He said, throwing a fifty-dollar bill onto the bed.

Heero’s face hardened with anger and he turned to glare at the man. His blue eyes were fierce and blazing with rage. “I am not a whore!” He spat, kicking the bill away and throwing the pillow at the man’s face. “Get out!” He growled, the stubborn tears burning his eyes again. “GET OUT!” he called again, his voice hoarse and nearly hysteric under the pain and humiliation he was feeling.

The man shrugged helplessly and shook his head. “Fine.” He muttered, picking the money off the floor and shoving it back into his pocket. “See ya.” He said, walking to the door and taking his jacket on the way. He was out the door in an instant and the tears held prisoner in Heero’s eyes suddenly spilled without his permission.

He threw himself at his pillowless bed, shedding silent tears as he gazed ahead at nothing. He was cold again. His heat was gone... There was no one to hold him, no one to sooth the pain in his heart. This experience has proven to be even more excruciating than his previous ones, because this time... this time he had wanted it... Wanted it so badly that he didn’t mind that there was no love between them. He thought that this man would at least... that he would at least hold him afterwards...

Feeling foolish and humiliated, Heero buried himself under the covers and continued to cry. He cried silently at first, until the sobs broke through the barrier around his heart. They came out like coughs at first, hoarse and bitter and so full of restrained pain. They gradually grew stronger and stronger, hesitant in their approach and then coming out with a violent force.

He cried brokenly into the sheets, his pain and heartbreak evident in every sob. There was no one there to comfort him so he only cried harder and harder. He cried until his throat hurt and his tears ran dry, but the pain didn’t disappear. He had years of pain and suffering to cry out, and this one night stand, this cheap sexual experience, was enough to open the seal in his heart and let him cry. The release was indescribable, and yet so terribly painful. He held a clutched fist over his heart, imagining that he could feel it rip to two.

When he could cry no more he simply lay in his bed, feeling drained. Empty. Hollow. His indifferent apartment ignored him, watching him in an uncaring silence. His world just got a couple degrees colder, and outside, it began snowing.

* * *

The following weeks went by in a slow motion blur. Time seemed to have stretched into forever, the clock taking a small tick forward and then two ticks back. The winter grew harsher, snow falling over the city and covering everything with a blanket of pure white. Inside the small diner, vapor was gathering on the large windows, blocking the view of the street. The heating was working hard to overcome the cold, and the place felt hot and almost humid. The radio was playing, some overly happy broadcaster chatting about traffic jams and weather reports before he switched to the next song.

It was lunchtime and the diner was rather full. The sound of chatter filled the small restaurant, along with the clattering of silverware and the fuzzy sound of the radio. Heero’s boss, Malcolm, was sitting in the corner of the diner, smoking a cigar and reading his newspaper. Raul, a young student who also worked at the diner, was standing at the cash register, while Heero waitered the tables.

The atmosphere around the solemn young man was gloomier than the winter raging outside the diner. His sad demeanor was evident by his silent, brooding appearance and his slumped shoulders. His uniforms, the blue, white and pink shirt and the black trousers, hung clumsily over his body. The shirt seemed to be hanging sloppily from his shoulders, too large for his skinny figure. His pants were nearly falling as well, his black belt not helping at all even if it was fastened by the last notch. He had lost so much weight since he first applied for the job, over a year ago. His depression was taking its tall on his body. He rarely ate anymore, sometimes going for days with only a cup of tea entering his mouth. The abuse his systems were receiving was beginning to affect his health greatly. His features were pale and sweaty with fever. He resembled a ghost. He was sick, feeling terribly ill, but still he continued to work. Anything but staying home where nightmares lay.

His breath was short and shallow as he walked among the tables, carrying a small notepad and a pen. His lungs ached and heat waves coursed through him every now and then. A woman sitting by the window gestured at him, and he headed towards her. Dizziness attacked him all of a sudden and he swayed from side to side, nearly collapsing on top of someone’s meal as he leaned on a table for support. He mumbled an apology and raised his hand off the table. He walked over to the woman. It was a mother and her son.

“Yes?” He asked, blinking away the sweat that gathered around his eyes. He used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off the area above his upper lip. “Would there be anything else, ma’am?” He asked shakily, another heat wave coursing through him and then slowly receding.

The woman smiled and gazed at her menu for a moment.

“I want cake! I want cake!” The little boy sitting across of her whined loudly, banging his fists on the table. “Mommy! Mommy! I want cake!” He repeated, his quick little hands grabbing the small ketchup bottle and slamming it repeatedly on the table. “ _Mommmyyyyyyyy……………_ ”

“I heard you the first time, Denis.” His mother muttered with a sigh, her eyes scanning the menu.

Heero waited silently, trying his best not to topple over the table and sink into a hazy sleep.

The child continued to play with the ketchup bottle. The woman looked up at the waiter with a smile. “I’ll take a cheese cake for me, and, uh,” She looked down at the menu again. “Chocolate cake for my son.”

Heero nodded silently and wrote it down. His wary blue eyes kept sending short glances at the boy and the ketchup bottle. He looked back at the woman. “Would there be...” he took a moment to breathe, his lungs aching badly, “anything... else?” He finished, out of breath.

The woman smiled. “Coffee refill, please.”

Heero nodded again and looked down at his notepad. “So it’s cheese cake and chocolate cake, right?” He asked just to make sure. His head was so fuzzy he wouldn’t be surprised if he had written something else instead.

The woman nodded. “That’s right.”

“Yay!” The little boy called out cheerfully, slamming the ketchup bottle brutally on the table and squashing it fiercely with his little fists. The bottle irrupted like a volcano, spraying ketchup everywhere as it exploded with an audible “PLOP!”

The bullet tore through his flesh and in an instant blood was staining his shirt. He staggered backwards, swerving from side to side as he felt his inner organs burn in pain. He choked out a cough, pressing his hand to his wounded stomach. The blood wouldn’t stop flowing. He was going to faint. His eyes were wide, his pale features shocked. He looked down at the boy who’d just shot him in utter disbelief and surprise.

“Oh my God!” The mother called out, panicked. “Somebody call a doctor!” She said, jumping out of her seat. People all over the diner were whispering and looking at him.

“He was shot!”

“Oh dear God!”

“They’re coming!”

“OZ is coming!”

“There were shots fired!”

“RUN!”

Panting and wheezing, Heero looked around him in shock. Everything was blurry and in slow motion. The sounds were muffled and echoing from afar. He slowly turned to look down at his injured torso, his glazed blue eyes staring numbly at the blood staining his hand.

“I’m so sorry.” The woman said softly, smiling apologetically. “He gets overly excited sometimes.”

“It’s all right.” Heero found himself saying, his numb gaze still fixed on his hand. It was pressed hard against his shirt, covered with the ketchup he had managed to wipe off his pink/blue/white uniforms. Closing his eyes slowly, he took a moment to breathe and calm his racing heart before he looked up at her again. “It will be ready in a minute.” He assured her and hurried to retreat.

He walked over to behind the service counter and reached for a small white cloth. He took a deep breath, fighting the dizziness before bowing his head and attempting to clean the ketchup off his uniforms. The cloth didn’t help much, but it at least helped clean the blo—ketchup off his hands. Another heat wave flooded his body and for a moment he felt too disoriented to open his eyes or move. His fever was rising, he could tell. He coughed quietly and reached for the coffee pot. He made his way back to the woman and her son.

The dizziness returned in full force, making the world whirl wildly around him. His legs felt weak all of a sudden, unable to support him. He waddled from side to side as he walked, the coffee inside the pot splashing like a stormy ocean in a glass pot. He was taking quick and shallow breaths, trying to force his lungs back into proper action. He wheezed loudly, his breathing coming out as sickly gurgling. Still he kept walking forward, maintaining somewhat of a straight line. When he reached the table he was suddenly attacked by a fierce coughing fit. Combined with his dizziness, the fit was so intense it made him tumble forward and fall. The coffee went with him, spilling all over the little boy.

The small diner shook and rattled as the little boy let out a loud, frightened, scream.

“DENIS!” His mother called out in fear, leaping out of her chair and launching at him with worry. “What did you do, you fuck!” She screamed at Heero, holding her weeping son in her hands.

Heero swallowed, his glazed eyes looking down at the two with a distant detachment. He had just killed another child...

People from all around the diner were looking at him accusingly. His boss popped out of nowhere, quickly pressing a wet cloth to the child’s torso. The boy kept crying loudly, his screams echoing inside Heero’s mind and stabbing his heart like knives.

“I’m... I’m sorry...” He mumbled, still unable to grasp what he had done. “I... I didn’t mean it... I’m sorry...” It was like he was speaking from a dream, the reality around him blending with the horrors of his memories and dreams. “I... killed... I’m... so-sorry...”

Someone grabbed his hand all of a sudden and dragged him forcefully into the kitchen. Heero didn’t tear his gaze off the worried mother tending her child, his horrified eyes watching them unblinkingly. When the kitchen door slammed in his face he suddenly blinked, returning to reality. He turned around slowly.

Malcolm, his boss, was standing in front of him, glaring at him with all his worth.

Heero’s eyes filled with tears despite his effort to stop them. “Sir...” He began, having nothing to say. “I’m...”

“What the hell were you thinking?!” The man growled, looking up at Heero with harsh eyes.

Heero bowed his aching head sorrowfully. “I’m sorry, sir. Please don’t fire me... I can’t find another job... no one will take me...”

“That’s no reason to be coming to work sick!” The old man muttered, shaking his head. His tone was softer as he looked up at Heero with compassion. The boy looked absolutely miserable. He sighed, shaking his head again. “Relax kid. Fortunately for us you were so out of it that you forgot to actually _boil_ the pot. The boy was just crying from the shock.”

Heero looked up, his gaze unbelieving. He sighed and closed his eyes slowly, bowing his head in shame.

Malcolm sighed. “Go home, kid. You shouldn’t have come here if you’re so sick.” He patted his shoulder lightly. “Come back when you’re feeling better.”

His head still bowed, Heero shook his head. “No... I... I’m already a terrible worker, and if I’ll miss any work days...”

“Oh, don’t be ridicules!” Malcolm spat, waving his hand in the air. “I’m not going to fire you for the same reason I hired you in the first place!”

Heero looked up at him, confused.

The old man sighed. “Kid, I ain’t gonna fire an ex-Gundam pilot just because he came down with a cold!”

Heero blinked, shocked.

His boss smiled in amusement. “What, you think you’re the only one who has fought a war? Back in AC 145 I was fighting just like you did. And I know _exactly_ what it’s like for you right now.” He sighed heavily, placing a warm hand on Heero’s slender shoulder. “Go home, Heero. Come back when you’re feeling better.”

“You’re not... you’re not going to fire me?”

The man smiled and shook his head. “Go, kid. I’ll call ya a cab.”

Heero managed to sort of smile back, his eyes shining in gratitude. “There’s... there’s no need, sir. Thank you. I’ve... I’ve misjudged you.”

The old man nodded, escorting him to the door. “It happens.” He said, handing Heero his jacket. “I’ll see ya later, kid.”

Heero nodded and took the offered jacket. “Thank you sir. I’ll... I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Sure you will. Take care of yourself, okay?” He gave him a last pat on the back and then showed him out of the door. Smiling sadly, Heero nodded his answer and left the diner.

* * *

During the twenty minute bus ride home, Heero laid his head against the cool window and indulged in the cool feeling against his burning forehead. He drifted in and out of sleep, his head slumping forward and then quickly jerking awake again as images of corpses and accusing eyes assaulted him. He clenched his fists and tensed his jaw, trying to keep his sanity for a while longer, at least until he got home. He held onto that last thread of sanity even as he missed his bus stop (because he fell asleep) and had to walk in the rain all the way back to his apartment building.

He arrived to his apartment completely exhausted and out of breath. His lungs ached and it was difficult to breathe. He collapsed on the bed, his shoes and wet jacket still on, and slipped into a thick black sleep.

* * *

In her dark and cold apartment, Nora sat by the kitchen table, her fingers tapping on it impatiently. On the table lay a steaming pot, emitting a wonderful smell of home cooking. Her unseeing blue eyes were gazing ahead at nothing at all, deep in thought. She was debating over the same question for hours, as the soup she made boiled on the stove and even now as it cooled on the table.

The apartment was silent. Empty. Cold. It was like a grave. A grave she had dug for herself and settled deeply into. A few weeks ago a weak ray of light broke into her grave. She had managed to see it despite her blindness. She felt it. She heard it. And now, she missed it.

The solemn young man who was kind enough to stay over for lunch, he was that ray of light. She still smiled as she remembered his sheepish voice and hesitation when he had shyly asked for more food. He was just like a growing boy should be - incredibly hungry. It made her feel warm inside to be able to serve him lunch. The small and humble act might not mean much to most people, be it mothers or sons, but it meant the world to her.

It had awakened something within her. Something she thought she had lost long ago. The company of that young man, the quiet conversation she had with him, had soothed her loneliness a little bit. It melted the tip of the iceberg that was her heart. She found herself thinking about him all the time. Thinking about his voice, that sad, quiet and remorseful voice. There was so much pain in his voice, so much saddness. She wondered if she was the only one aware of it. If nothing else, her hearing was more developed than others. And for some bizarre reason, she was extra sensitive on picking up things from this particular boy.

Heero. She wanted to see him again. Well, as far as she could actually _see_ him.

With that resolve in mind, Nora stood up quickly. She reached two hands to hold the pot by its handles and took a deep, nervous, breath. Well, she won’t be getting anywhere if she’ll keep sitting in her kitchen and brood over the same topic over and over again. She might as well give it a shot.

* * *

During the last few weeks she ran a little “investigation” to find out where Heero lived, exactly. He had told her that he lived two floors above hers, but still she didn’t know which apartment. She spent a lot of time by the mailboxes in order to find the exact address. It was the mailman who was kind enough to read the names off the mailboxes for her and tell her the number of the apartment as he slipped a stack of second-notice bills into it.

Now she was standing in front of that apartment, a pot full of soup in her hands along with a heart full of hope and dread pounding in her chest. She took a few long breaths, trying to relax. Surely this young man was too nice to reject her and tell her to leave. Still, she didn’t want to come off as pushy and pathetic. Even though she was, pathetic, that it. Sighing lengthily, Nora bent down and placed the pot on the floor. She knocked on the door.

No one was answering. She tried again. No one answered. Her heart was beating frantically. What if he was avoiding her? What if he didn’t want her there?

No! That was absurd. He didn’t even approach the door. She hadn’t heard his steps. She could already recognize the sound of his footsteps, despite them being so silent. He had such pleasant footsteps. But his apartment was silent, no sound of footsteps coming from behind the door.

She knocked again. “Heero? Are you there? It’s... it’s me, uh... Nora.”

Silence. Perhaps he was asleep? What time was it? Could it be that it was already late at night? How long had she been sitting in her kitchen anyway?

“Heero?” She tried again, knocking softly on the door. She sighed when there was no answer and bowed her head sorrowfully. Perhaps he had other things to attend to. Perhaps he wasn’t as lonely as he sounded. Maybe she had it all wrong.

Sighing heavily, she bent down to pick her soup off the floor. But as she bent down she accidentally hit her head on the doorknob and for some odd reason the handle was pushed down, and just like that- the door opened.

Nora stood up again, stunned at the sound of the opening door. She could feel the shifting of air as the door slowly opened. An awful smell was coming out of the apartment. She wrinkled her nose and took a small, hesitant, step forward.

“Heero?” She called carefully, picking up the pot and slowly walking into the apartment.

She could immediately feel the chilly air of the apartment touch her skin. The apartment was extremely cold, and she could feel that it was dark. She couldn’t sense any daylight touching her skin. There was a bad odor inside. It was moldy and rotten, suggesting that the place was filthy. It was worse than her place. Granted, the heating wasn’t working anywhere in the poorly maintained building, but this apartment was colder than the rest. It felt... lonely. Like a tomb.

She placed the pot on the floor and reached to close the door behind her. She felt her way around, her fingers feeling along a small table, a chair and a phone. She encountered a few books, papers and pens. Everything she touched felt cold, like ice. It didn’t take her long to find the sofa that was at the center of the small room, which was the only room in the small apartment besides the bathroom and the kitchen. She ran her hands over the back of the sofa, feeling her way around it. By what it felt like she could tell that the sofa was open so it was in the size of a small double bed.

She felt her way around the bed, carefully climbing on it. She kneeled on the edge of the bed and continued her search. Her hands soon encountered a pair of muddy shoes, damp trousers... a wet shirt... and a chest that was heaving up and down with great effort.

“Oh God...” She whispered, her features horrified. She couldn’t even hear him breathe! Even with her acute sense of hearing, she could barely make out the sound of his breathing.

“Heero?” She called for him, crawling to his side, her hands seeking his face. She ran long fingers through his damp bangs. The stanch of sweat was burning her nostrils. His features were soaked with salty sweat, as was his neck and shirt. He was running a terrible fever.

“Goodness, you’re burning.” She whispered, her hands working to undo the buttons of his shirt.

Beneath her, Heero moaned in pain and titled his head aside. He began coughing when she moved his head up to place a pillow under it. His breath came hard and shallow, wheezing and struggling to breathe. Her cool and frantic fingers ran frenziedly over his body, anxious to help, to heal. His subconscious barely registered Nora’s desperate attempts to help him. He did not wake even when she stripped him and placed a warm blanket over him. He didn’t hear her when she begged him to be okay, he was in a place too far to be hearing any of her pleas.

* * *

He was sitting on the soft grass, washed by warm white light. The air was sweet and warm, carrying the scent of flowers. Birds were chirping, bugs were buzzing. The grass was soft and his little chubby legs were lying straddled on it, his pants, socks and shoes covered in mud. He reached his hands forward to look at them, suddenly very amazed by the fact of how small they were. The small and chubby palms (Could they possibly be his hands? They were too small to pilot anything...) were covered with mud as well. He continued digging in the moist earth, searching for worms.

It was getting late and the color of the metal skies - mommy said that they were not really skies because they didn’t live on Earth - was changing shade, becoming darker and dimmer. Daddy should be home soon. His tummy was making funny noises. He picked up his little jar - he had three worms in it! – and ran home.

Second building to the right, just behind the trees in the park. He burst into the kitchen, the whole apartment rushing by him in a blur. His home smelled like cooking and flowers. His mommy was waiting for him there. He collided with her and hugged her long blue dress tightly. The blue dress was his favorite because it was the same color as the skies - the _real_ skies - were.

“Mommy! Mommy!” He called happily, his tiny voice joyful and squeaky (Was it his voice? It was so different...). “Look how many I found!”

His mommy always smelled nice and he loved it when she reached her long arms to hug him back.

“Look! Look! I found THREE of them!” He said, grinning.

He couldn’t see her face because her hair was always in the way. He liked her hair, it was very pretty and long and it shone under the faintest light. She reached down to caress his head, ruffling his messy hair in affection. He could hear her voice smiling.

“That’s wonderful sweetheart. What are they?” She asked with a smile (No! There was much sadness in her voice! Couldn’t he hear it?!), her voice rang like bells.

“They’re worms.” He explained with that tiny voice of his (This wasn’t how he sounded like!) bowing his head down a bit as he felt her fingers brushing through his hair. Mommy always liked to pet his hair. Her long fingers were white and warm and they were very soft. He loved it when she caressed his face, tracing her fingers over his eyes, nose and lips. She could feel his smile, or his tears and even his anger. If he was sick her fingers could always tell.

She didn’t notice that he was covered with mud. She didn’t care so she wasn’t mad. When daddy will come home, after he would go to sleep, he will hear them argue about it. They would speak in those words he doesn’t know (They were English, foolish boy...) and then they would go back to sleep.

He reached his little hand for hers, letting her hold his hand gently. He smiled at her, every part of him feeling warm and happy. “I wanna show them to daddy. When is he coming home?” 

“Daddy’s working late tonight, sweetie. He’ll be coming home after dinner.”

“After it’s dark?” He asked, pouting.

Her fingers were playing with his hair again. They were sadder this time because they moved slower. “Yes, sweetie. After it gets dark.”

But it was already dark! Everything was dark! And cold! So cold...... There weren’t any gentle fingres. They were holding him down by force, thier fingers digging into his flesh. They were as cold as ice, freezing. They kept touching him all the time. Stop!

“Stop it! Stop! Please!” He begged (Could _this_ be his voice then? Was he crying?)

They held him down by force, restraining him, holding him down on all fours. There was someone in his mouth. Someone else was inside him. Deep inside. It hurt, ripping his body into half. His penis was grabbed forcefully. He began to cry.

“Stop! Stop it! Please! Urgh! Please stop...”

He was raped brutally, alone in a dark OZ prision cell. His voice was weak, hoarse and pathetic when he cried. Again it was hard for him to recognize his own voice.

“I found him down the hallway, in an isolated prison cell.” Trowa said, “I was too late to stop it, I’m sorry.” He placed him down in someone’s lap. It was warm...

“Take care of him. He’s scheduled for more testing on the Mercurius tomorrow. They’ll kill him if he’ll be inefficient.”

Warm arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly as if angry at something. “Why can’t they take me instead?!” Duo growled, his hold on him nearly crushing. It hurt. Duo...

“Shhh... it’s all right... I’m so sorry, Heero... It’s all right...” Duo was caressing his hair gently, soothingly. His voice was warm and bittersweet. Like honey. He Liked it.

“You’re hard to miss.”

The man’s voice reminded him of Duo. That’s why he had agreed to go with him.

“...but I get the feeling that it isn’t exactly what you want...”

He ended up being raped again, even if it was done with his full consent.

“...am I right?”

“Hold me?”

Duo’s fingers were soft and gentle, caring even. They petted his features, tracing them carefully, like trying to create an image of him in the dark.

“I am not a whore!”

“Mommy! Look what I found!”

“What are they, sweetheart?”

Soft fingers touching him, petting him, feeling his smile...

“Get out! GET OUT!”

“When is daddy coming home? Does he work ALL the time? I want... I want him to come home!”

“It’s all right, sweetie... everything is going to be all right...”

“I’m cold...” He whispered back.

“Shh, Heero... shh... I’m here...” Duo assured him.

“I woke up in the hospital and there was no one there... you left...” He mumbled, remembering the end of the war for some reason. He lived on the streets, cold and hungry, until Malcolm took him in.

“I was alone...”

“I’m here with you now, Heero. I’m here...” The gentle hands continued saying softly. “I’ll take care of you. Shh... just rest... I’ll take care of you... just rest...”

“N...Nora..?”

“Shh, Heero. Shh...”

Dream and consciousness mixed together into a hazy reality. Cool liquid was served to his parched lips. He struggled to lift his head a little and sip it. His head was too heavy. A gentle hand sneaked under his head, supportng him. The water was touching his cracked lips again. He gulped it hungrily. He was so hot...

Another hand was touching him, cool and long fingers pushing his bangs aside gently. He took a shaky breath, his lungs faltering. He coughed, spitting out some water. He could feel it slide down his chin. The gentle fingers wiped the liquid away.

“Shhh... it’s okay...” A soft voice whispered.

“Wha... wh... where..?” He slurred sleepily, trying to open his eyes and look around. The ill feeling was just too much. He closed his eyes again, his body shivering from fever. “Wh... who is... here..?” He asked feebly, the water he drank already making him nauseous. He moaned miserably and sunk his head into pillow.

The cool hands were touching him again, trying to soothe his aching body. He whimpered silently and tried to move away from the touch.

“No... please...” He mumbled in distress, struggling to force his limbs to move. “I don’t want to... I don’t... who is..? Please stop... I... I’ve been a... a good... I’m not a... I’m not a whore... I’m... don’t touch me...”

“Shhh... Heero, it’s me.” The voice whispered again as soothingly as can be. It reminded him of... something... long ago... “It’s me. It’s Nora. It’s just me...”

Cobalt eyes glazed with pain and fever slowly opened, looking up at the figure hovering above them. It was too dark and blurry to see. He felt sick. He closed his eyes again, shivering and coughing. “I... I don’t need... I want... please... it’s cold...”

“Shhh... shhh, boy. Shhh. It’s going to be all right. You’re safe with me and I am not going to harm you. You’re very sick, Heero. I just want to help.”

His glazed eyes slowly opened and looked up in none-comprehension, blinking away the haze that surrounded his mind. “Wh...why me..?” He asked in a small voice, like a wounded child. “I... I’m... I’m not... not worth...”

Nora smiled down at him, brushing a few sweaty bangs out of his eyes. “Just returning the favor, Heero. That’s all.”

“I’m cold...” He mumbled again, coughing weakly. His head lolled to the side as the fever won over his consciousness.

* * *

He awoke to a feeling of pleasent heat surrounding him. He could feel tingly sunshine caressing his skin. His limp arms were lying over a thick quilt, washed by sunlight. He could sense the soft winter sun over his face and neck. It was a lovely sensation after being cold for so long. His cheeks felt warm, and they were probably still flushed with fever. His forehead was slightly damp with sweat, but he did not feel as sick as he had before.

He took a slow, careful breath, testing his lungs. They didn’t ache so badly. They faltered a little when he breathed and he concluded that he was still recovering. He could also feel a warm and moist compress lying over his chest. It pressed closer to his skin when he inhaled deeply. The scent of herbs and mint engulfed him when he inhaled, emitting from the cloth.

He opened his eyes slowly, carefully, a slit of cobalt peeking from behind long eyelashes. There was so much light flooding his apartment that it was hard for him to recognize it at first. His apartment never seemed so... bright. The window behind his sofa/bed was wide open, letting the winter sunshine in. There was a soft breeze of fresh air coming into the small apartment, tousling his bangs gently. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, indulging himself in the feeling of crisp fresh air in his lungs.

It suddenly occurred to him that there was a delicious aroma of cooking in the air. The scent was delightful, warm and appetizing. His mouth watered and he licked his parched lips.

What happened while he slept? Who did all this? Who was there with him? There’s no one... he had no one... Who took care of him? Was this another dream caused by fever? Another fantasy of some sort?

He attempted to get up, struggling to push his numb body off the bed. The effort proved to be too much for him. He collapsed back onto his pillow, coughing.

“Heero? Are you awake?” A pleasant voice asked, and someone was approaching him. He opened his eyes again, blinking in confusion when he saw Nora walking over to his bed, drying her hands with a colorful kitchen towel.

A kitchen towel? Since when does he have a colorful kitchen towel?!

“Nora..?” He whispered, his voice hoarse and rough with sickness. “What are you...” He frowned as he remembered some of his fever induced dreams. “So it was you...” He mumbled, turning to look up at her with shining blue eyes. “You took care of me.”

The woman smiled, pushing her long brown hair over her shoulder. She settled carefully by his side, sitting on the edge of the sofa/bed. Her head was bowed, “looking” down at her knees as she straightened the folds on her ankle-length skirt. “I found you in a terrible state, Heero. I hope you don’t mind my intrusiveness. I couldn’t just leave you like that.”

Heero nodded in understanding, looking at her softly. He took a moment to appreciate the way the light touched her long hair which cascaded down her back. He turned to look back up at her.

“Is that why you helped me? Out of pity?”

She sighed. “I could ask you the same. Did you help me because you pitted me for my blindness?” She turned to face him.

He shook his head slowly, his gaze serious and honest. “No. I helped you because you needed my help.”

She smiled softly. “This is the same reason why I’m helping you.”

His tired eyes shone with amusement and a weak smile hovered over his lips. “I can accept that.” He whispered, his tone thankful. There were many questions he wanted to ask her right now, but he was too tired to move his lips. His eyelids were slowly fluttering shut.

“All right,” Nora began slapping her knees gently before getting up. “Would you like something to eat? You’ve been asleep for two whole days.”

His hollow stomach grumbled angrily in agreement. He smiled and nodded thankfully. “Maybe something little...” He mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning heavily into the pillow.

Nora nodded. “Sure. I’m preparing some soup. Would you like that?”

He nodded, forgetting that he had to provide a verbal answer. He was too warm and cozy, for once knowing that there will be someone there to worry instead of him, someone to take care of him, to lift the weight off his tired shoulders. The feeling helped him feel peaceful enough to sleep.

He was already half asleep when he remembered that Nora, despite her good intentions, was still blind and in a stranger’s apartment. Groaning at the effort, he opened his eyes and propped himself up on one elbow.

“D-do you need any help?” He called at her, his elbow trembling and nearly giving way. He was still too weak.

From the kitchen, he could hear Nora chuckle. “Boy, I have been blind for as long as you’ve been alive. I think I can manage on my own.” She chuckled again. “Well, despite what you’ve seen so far.”

Heero smiled tiredly and nodded his head. He slumped back into the pillow. The sound of bubbling water and a knife against the cutting board came softly from the kitchen, lulling him gently to sleep. He turned to lie on his side, curling into the covers and moving his head in the direction of the warm winter sunlight. His features were calm and content while he slept.

* * *

The following weeks went by like a dream. Sometimes Heero had to stop whatever he was doing and remind himself that he was still awake. It was hard to realize because everything changed since he had gotten sick. Everything he had learned to accept as a part of his world changed. The darkness, the cold, the feeling of loneliness... it slowly melted like the snow in springtime. His eternal winter slowly vanished, leaving room for hope to blossom.

Nora and he became very close since he fell ill. She nursed him back to health, caring and gentle, her calm presence and comforting words soothing his aching soul. He was very feverish at times, so he didn’t recall clearly what he might have said to her, and how much she knew of the dark things he kept inside his heart, but since she didn’t seem frightened or appalled by him, he supposed that it didn’t matter. When he fully recovered she left his apartment and made him promise to visit her whenever he could.

He was timid about visiting her often, he was afraid of becoming a nuisance, however Nora’s consistent invitations for dinner or tea were enough to assure him that he was indeed welcomed. It became their custom to spend have an afternoon tea together each day. Heero came over for dinner every weekend, and sometimes even during the week. He would return from the diner, shower and then go straight to Nora’s, where he was expected. He rarely used his apartment anymore.

Days he used to spend lying depressed in his cold bed became full of activity and warmth. He helped her clean her apartment, and he fixed anything that needed to be tended to. In return she gave him cooking lessons. She taught him how to make something that was “a little more interesting than an omelet”, as she often said with a wink. He began eating regularly, taking the time to enjoy the meal and not just fill his body’s necessities. It was easier to do because unlike before, he had someone to share a meal with.

One lesson stood out from all the others, the memory of it leaving a small smile on his lips. Nora taught him how to make rice balls on some rainy Friday afternoon. The kitchen was messy and the apartment was warm. He took some time that weekend to fix the central heating unit in the building, so the atmosphere was warm and cozy, which placed Heero in a particularly good mood that day. He was standing in the kitchen, wearing a flowery apron, Nora’s hands guiding his palms as they shaped the rice balls together. He enjoyed that single moment in time; being warm and covered with flower from the pie they baked just before that. It felt... familiar in some way. Comfortable. He felt like a child again, carefree and careless. He even allowed himself to act a little silly, coaxing a small laugh out of the older woman, which made him smile in return. The memory was still warm in his heart. His whole world was becoming warmer.

That same memory was wrapping itself around his mind and pouring warmth through his body at this exact moment, as he leaned over the service counter at the diner, cleaning it. It was late noon and the diner was rather empty. Outside, the streets were covered with a blanket of snow, but the winter sun was out, washing the glowing white with warmth.

People’s feet sunk into the snow as it weakened and melted, creating deep puddles everywhere. Looking out the diner’s large windows, Heero could see another unfortunate passer-by sink into the snow and curse. He watched him in mild amusement and then returned to just staring at the counter.

“Yuy, kitchen.” His boss called from somewhere behind the service window. Heero threw the cloth aside and made his way to the back. Raul, a fellow worker, took over his post at the cash register.

The moment Heero disappeared into the kitchen, the door to the diner opened and a blurry image of a man escaping the cold was seen rushing into the diner. The man, wearing a stylish brown leather jacket, a pair of dark blue jeans and a white scarf, wiped his brown boots on the small matte in the entrance, cursing silently as he looked down and saw that the bottom of his jeans were wet from the melting snow. Sighing, he looked up again and proceeded towards the counter.

Raul watched him approach, quickly scanning the stranger. Usually the diner had regular costumers, and it was rather unusual to see new faces. Especially a face like this one. The young man standing in front of him was about twenty, perhaps less, and he seemed rather clueless to his surrounding. His appearance, although meant to be presentable, was rather sloppy and his features seemed preoccupied. All in all he looked like any other tourist who had lost his way and was in a rush somewhere.

“May I help you sir?” The young waiter asked, looking patiently at the man before him.

“Yeah,” The young man muttered, reaching a hand to his back and for some odd reason, shoving it underneath his jacket. Raul watched astound as the young man pulled a long chestnut braid from underneath his jacket and threw it casually over his shoulder.

“Man that rain!” He said with a laugh, wiping a few damp bangs out of his eyes. “And the wind! Whew!” He whistled, shaking his head. “I swear my car nearly tipped over!”

Raul smiled politely, having an easy time detecting the slight L2 accent in the man’s voice. Now he was certain that he was not from around here.

“That’s Earth for ya, sir.” He replied with a smile. “Can I get you anything?”

“Uh...” The young, absent-minded looking man looked up at the menu stationed above the counter, his eyes narrowing as he read it. Meanwhile his hands were searching his pockets, until he looked down at Raul and pulled out a ragged bill. “Just coffee please. Uh, no, make it coffee-to-go. I’m kinda in a hurry here.”

Raul nodded and made his way to the coffee machine. “You’re here for the convention?”

The longhaired man gave out a chuckle. “That obvious, huh?” He said, unzipping his brown jacket to reveal a fashioned white turtleneck shirt. It suddenly made him look rather important. Elegant, if you may.

“Yeah, I’m supposed to give this big speech and everything,” he continued, “Though I haven’t the slightest as to where I’m going!” He finished with a sheepish chuckle.

Raul nodded, placing the cup of coffee on the counter. “You need to get to Harcourt Brace University. It’s actually just a few blocks ahead.”

The young man’s eyes widened for a moment and then broke into a smile. “Really? You don’t say... Guess I can navigate after all...” He mumbled, taking a short sip from his coffee. “So you’re saying I should just keep going that way?” He used one hand to point at the window while he used the other to sip the drink.

The waiter nodded. “Yup. Big fancy building. Can’t miss it. It looks like a freaking mausoleum or something.”

The longhaired man chuckled at the remark. “Great.” He said and placed an extra five dollars on the table. “Thanks for the tip!” He added with a wink and hurried to leave.

Raul watched the stranger as he walked into a small car parked in front of the diner and drove off. He chuckled and shook his head in amusement. It wasn’t often that such a cheerful breeze swept over the gloomy diner, he mused, returning to work.

The kitchen door opened and Heero re-entered the diner.

“They need you in the kitchen.” He told Raul, walking back to his post.

* * *

“What about this one?” Nora asked, raising a dark red, checkered shirt up and showing it to Heero. The two were in a small clothing bazaar inside a large shopping center. They were standing across of each other by a large stand containing piles over piles of shirts. Nora smiled and ran the fabric of the shirt between her fingers.

“It’s flannel. It’s very warm and comfortable. What do you think?” She nudged the shirt towards him.

Heero eyed the shirt in distaste, making a sour face. “It’s checkered.” He stated dryly. He was feeling very sheepish and self-conscious. It was not one of his habits to be shopping for clothes among a large crowd of people. Usually he threw whatever seemed to suit him into his supermarket cart and just finish the task. He didn’t think he owned anything that wasn’t bought at Wallmart.

“Oh.” Nora let out, frowning. She put the shirt aside and began feeling around for another shirt. “Well, how would I know?” She muttered jokingly, picking up another shirt and showing it to Heero. “And this one?” She nudged the shirt towards him. “It’s silk. Feels kinda fancy.” She added with a smile.

Sighing silently to himself (though by now he knew that no sound escaped Nora’s ears), he ran his eyes over the shirt. It was a rather nice buttoned shirt. It was elegant yet young and refreshing. It seemed to be tight around the chest area and then loosening a bit around the waist. It looked like something a person his age would wear on a date or something like that. Something that he, of course, never attended.

“Is it not to your liking?” Nora’s voice pulled him away from his musings.

“It’s, uh, too stylish for me.” Heero muttered, looking down at the pile of shirts in front of him. He began rummaging the pile, searching with no idea what he was really searching for. A shirt is just a shirt, he mused as he picked up a dark green tank top. He eyed it with abhorrence and quickly tossed it aside. Then again, he might want to reconsider that statement. He continued to search for a shirt that wil be to his liking.

“And this one? What color is it?” Nora asked, showing him another shirt.

Heero looked up, scanning it briefly. It was actauly kind of nice. Its figure was similar to the previous one, only much more modest. He liked it for some reason. Perhaps because of its color. It reminded him of something. Maybe. He wasn’t sure.

“It’s sky-blue.” He finally said.

“Blue? That’s great. It will bring out your eyes.”

Heero stopped his search and looked up at her, frowning. He didn’t recall telling her the color of his eyes. There was no real reason to do it. She never asked how he looked like. Maybe he hadn’t heard right.

“What do you mean?” He asked quietly, just to confirm.

Nora frowned. “Mean by what? I said it would bring out your eyes. Some people say that a blue shirt will only drown blue eyes, but I think it will only make them look brighter.”

“But...” Heero began, taking a few steps towards her. He stood in front of her, looking down at her with a frown. “I never told you that my eyes are blue.”

She frowned, lifting her gaze in his general direction. Heero found himself searching her unseeing blue eyes for something, maybe a sign of sight. It was the second time she had guessed something about his appearance that was in fact true. It was somewhat... unnerving.

“Well...” She muttered, bowing her head. She let out a small sigh and shrugged. “I supposed that I... that I wanted you to have blue eyes. I’m blind, so I’m allowed to imagine you however I want, right?” She turned to face him again, smiling weakly. “I think that blue eyes suit you.”

“Despite the fact that I told you that I’m Japanese?” Heero questioned, raising an eyebrow.

She chuckled. “Well, there are some _rare_ cases... Besides, if it’s any comfort I’ve also imagined you with black hair.”

“It’s brown.” Heero shot back, smiling sarcastically.

“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, did you dye it?”

“No.” He chuckled.

“Are you sure you’re Japanese?!” She spoke in mock-skepticism, earning another small chuckle out of him.

“No...” He admitted, smiling.

Nora chuckled, shaking her head. “You’re hopelss.” She stated, shoving the shirt into his hands. “And you’re taking this shirt. We’ve been standing here long enough. Time to find you some trousers!”

Shaking his head in amusement, Heero paid for the shirt and the two moved on to a different stand.

* * *

After they finished their shopping, or rather after Nora was done dragging a reluctant Heero from one stand to another, the two settled in a small coffee shop somewhere in the mall. Placing their shopping bags aside, they ordered two cups of hot chocolate and an apple pie. When their orders arrived, Nora’s mood suddenly became more serious than before. She was light and cheerful up until then, when suddenly she turned to “look” at him with a serious expression on her face.

“Heero,” she began slowly, “I was thinking that maybe...” She paused, bowing her head briefly.

“What is it?” Heero asked, concerned. “Have I done something wrong?”

She chuckled, though it was a bitter chuckle. “No, no you haven’t. As hard as it is to convince you of that...” She added in a low mutter. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him again. “I was thinking that maybe you should apply for an Earth Sphere Citizenship.”

Heero had to take a moment to digest what she was suggesting. He slowly placed his cup down. “A... a citizenship?”

“Yes.” Nora nodded to confirm. “You’ve mentioned to me before how much it bothers you to have no identity, well, officially speaking. And I heard on the news that they’re now issuing citizenships for people whose records were lost during the war. The law was passed not so long ago. There was a big convention about it downtown a few weeks ago. Haven’t you heard about it?”

Heero shook his head, still absorbing the proposition. “No, I haven’t.” He mumbled, the thought of having an I.D nearly overwhelming him. Being a non-existent person, with no roots, past, or even a name of his own, has always upset him. He had no roots or a past to connect to, but perhaps it was time to create one. Every root began from a small lonely seed. Maybe it was up to him to plant the first one. He never gave much thought for his future, but it was something that he was beginning to consider nowadays. He did want to belong somewhere. He wanted to be remembered after his death. A person with no identity would easily vanish without a trace, without any evidence of his life. He didn’t want to end up that way.

Taking a long breath, he looked up at her. There was hesitation in his eyes. “But... but what name can I use? I have no name of my own.”

Nora smiled gently, reaching a hand over the table and placing it gently over his palm. “Your name is just fine. I don’t know much about how you’ve come across it, but I do know that it is your name as much as it was the name of the deceased Heero Yuy. This is what the war had shaped you into. I think that there is a lot of heritage and meaning behind that name. I don’t think you can find anything more suitable.”

He tried to smile, though it faltered. He was too busy thinking over questions he never had to deal with seriously. Creating a bogus identity was child’s play, but now when he was faced with the task of creating his own, permanent, factual and earnest identity, the so-called “little” details were at their utmost importance. He didn’t want his “true” identity, the one he wanted to pass on when he dies, to be false as well. He wanted those details to be his own, to belong solely to him, and not to be chosen randomly. He wanted his identity to have true meaning, otherwise it was all pointless.

“My birth date...” He murmured after some thought, his features troubled. “I don’t even know when I was born. I can guess my age, very vaguely, but I will not be able to answer if they ask for my date of birth.”

Nora seemed to be considering what he said, leaning heavily into her chair. She was silent for a while, until she turned to look at him seriously. “Do you know what happened on April 6th? Anything important?”

Heero sighed and bowed his head. “Operation Meteor.” He whispered, looking around nervously before facing her. “You say I should use that date as my birthday?”

She chuckled bitterly. “The irony of it seems fitting enough.”

He was silent for a long time, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the steam rising from his mug.

“Heero, I think that this citizenship will be a big step towards creating your future.” She tried to encourage him. “You do plan on building a future, aren’t you?”

Heero sighed, shifting from side to side on his chair. “I have thought about it, a little...”

“You’re a talented and intelligent young man. You’re kind, compassionate and decent. You deserve a good life just like any other person.”

Again Heero shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He refused to look up from his mug. “I don’t know about that...”

Nora sighed, leaning towards him. She fixed her blind eyes on him, her gaze extremely serious. “You mean because of your past. Because of what you did as a soldier.”

Heero didn’t look up. They never spoke about their pasts. They voiced their opinions about the war, about life, death and many other trivial topics, but never dared to venture into the past. He couldn’t claim to know much about her history, he only knew that it caused her much sadness, just like his past had done to him. But he wasn’t surprised that she had guessed it by her self. He didn’t make it hard to guess.

“It’s quite understandable.” Nora assured him with a soothing voice. “Many young men were recruited to OZ. That sonofabitch leader of theirs didn’t care for the soldier’s age as long as they could fight.”

Heero shook his bowed head and sighed deeply. “I wasn’t in OZ.”

Nora frowned. “Oh.” She took a moment to think and then turned to him with a skeptic expression. “Well, you couldn’t possibly have been a Federation soldier. You were too young.”

“No. I wasn’t at the Federation either.”

“Then where..?” She wondered out loud, until it suddenly dawned on her. “Wait a minute,” she excalimed, turning to face him, “You’re from the Colonies?!”

Heero nodded slowly, and then added a small “Yes.”

Nora seemed shocked, leaning slowly back in her chair. There was a distant and haunted expression on her face as she mumbled: “I had no idea...” They were silent for a while, lost in thoughts. Nora was stirring her drink distractedly while Heero stared down at his lap.

“Does that mean you were fighting with those extremists... with those maniacs, White Fang?!”

He shook his head. “No...” He sighed, shifting his pose again. “Worse...”

“But that leaves just...” Her eyes widened and she hurried to place a hand over her mouth in a gasp. She leaned closer to whisper to him- “You were a Gundam pilot?!”

He sighed quietly, providing no answer and yet telling it all. Nora pulled back, stunned. “Dear Lord...” She whispered, horrified. “But you were... you were only... how old were you? Fifteen!? Dear God...”

“Yeah...” He mumbled, his eyes glazing over as he kept staring numbly at his lap.

“And you piloted those monsters? By... by choice?”

Heero shifted in his seat, his blue eyes darkening with haunting memories and regret. “Yes, and no.” He bowed his head, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. “I was merely a child when they took me. I don’t think it would have done any good if I had refused. I was only eight years old... What could I have done? They had their eyes on me since I was young... I didn’t have much choice.” He explained with a shaky voice, sounding as if he was on the verge of crying. He never spoke to anyone about this. Not even the other pilots. No one knew how he came to be one of the most fearsome warriors on Earth and in Space. He tried not to think about it himself. It was far too troubling to enter a circle of “what-if” thoughts.

“And your parents?” Nora asked, her voice also trembling, not with horror, but with sympathy. She felt so sorry for him, his anguish and regret painfully obvious in his voice.

“I don’t have any parents.” He confessed quietly. “I can barely remember if I ever had... I think I did... once...” He whispered sadly, closing his eyes. “I’m never sure if it’s a fantasy or a distant memory. Most of my early memories are just... wishful thinking.”

A few images flickered through his mind, whether dream or truth he was never sure, but they were the only memories he possessed of his forgotten past. Bright images of an apartment, a park, an apple pie and his mother’s sky-blue dress. Just a few brief flashes of smiles, warm hands, long hair that shone under the light and the feeling of a caress. He never knew whether it indeed happened to him, or were those images merely the broken dreams of a child that was murdered long ago.

“I’m so sorry, Heero...” Nora whispered, her eyes tearful. Her heart was bleeding for him.

He sighed, closing his eyes sadly. “So am I...”

They were silent for a few long moments, both of them brooding. After some time, Heero took a deep breath and slowly turned to look up at her. He smiled softly, his eyes glittering with tears, but nevertheless there was a small, thankful, smile on his lips.

“Thank you, Nora.” He said quietly.

She turned to look at him, confused. “What for?”

“For listening. For... for believing in me. In my future. I think I’ll try to acquire that citizenship.”

A small smile touched her lips, the light returning to her features. “That’s wonderful.” She whispered back with a smile and a tearful pair of eyes.

* * *

Three weeks later, his citizenship was approved and he came to collect it. The process was surprisingly easy. Even though he had no birth records, no reliable documents of any kind of either going to school, serving in the army, having a job or anything else that might have left his mark in the world; he was able to issue a request for an Earth Sphere Citizenship.

The clerk handling his case was a bit doubtful when Heero declared the reason for his lack of identity, stating that he was a Gundam pilot during the war. The man refused to believe, and therefore he had to transfer the request to higher ranks. The request climbed up the ladder of authority, reaching as far as the Earth Sphere Government Hall in Brussels, where it was approved by the Foreign Minister herself, Ms. Relena Darlian. The approval for his request came back with a perfumed letter wishing him well in life and many hugs and kisses. He blushed as the clerk at City Hall handed it to him, eyeing him strangely.

From there the road was smooth and easy. All he had to do was fill out a few forms, take a picture and provide the signature of at least one citizen who could vouch for him (that was done by Nora, of course). The stamp was applied to the proper papers, and just like that he got himself an identity: “ **The Earth Sphere Alliance Government herby states that Heero Yuy, male, born on April 6 th AC 180 on the L1 cluster, colony unknown, is an Earth Sphere Alliance Citizen, with all the rights and duties that come with this citizenship. Serial Social Number 7283101-39512140**.”

And that was that. Heero Yuy, not a great politician, nor a fearsome warrior, was officially born.

The first thing he decided to do with his newly acquired citizenship was to go back to school. He felt like his brain was slowly deteriorating, his potential being wasted. He was useless and unproductive. He hated the feeling. It made him feel empty and worthless. He hated the feeling of inefficiency. He was a person who was used to being active, being useful. Even though he didn’t always enjoy what he was doing, and on many cases he didn’t approve of his own actions, he still took some sort of comfort from being occupied. A life spent lying around doing nothing was worthless. He wanted his life to _go_ somewhere, to have a certain direction, an aim and a purpose. He had no intention becoming the cheap inadequate human being he always felt like.

He decided to enroll in the local university in order to help him find the purpose he sought. Harcourt Brace University was glad to give him the opportunity to achieve his goal. It was one of very few universities on Earth that opened its gates to ex-military students. Their only conditions were that he was to take a few tests to prove himself, go through a standard SAT test, and enroll in an Academic Preparation prior to starting his degree. If he will pass all of the above he will receive a post-military service scholarship and enter the university. The world was beginning to show its kindness to ex-military personnel. Young men and women who lost their past and future all because they fought to protect their home were finally being rewarded the way they should. They were finally given a second chance as laws supporting humanitarian aid to former soldiers were passed in the Earth Sphere pacifist government.

The day he was scheduled to meet the dean in order to hear the university’s final verdict about his registration request, Nora offered to go with him. It was a sunny winter day, the weather becoming more pleasant as spring approached. Harcourt Brace was a large ancient stone building with a classic 19th century design. Huge windows towered over gigantic halls and wide corridors. The building was flooded with sunlight that washed the colorfully patterned floors and the cream-colored walls. Everything was perfectly polished and decorative. Nevertheless the place did not appear sterile. On the contrary, it was quite lively. Many students walked the halls, chatting and smiling as they walked from class to class, holding their books. The teaching staff seemed friendly, greeting their students in the halls and vice a versa.

The offices were located at the top floor, a large panorama window overlooking the beautiful yard that stood behind the building. Many students were sitting around the garden, some on benches, some slouching under a tree and some sitting by the fountain at the center of the small park. The garden was located at the heart of the university structure, which closed around it in a square shape.

Heero took the time to gaze out the window as he waited to be called into the dean’s office. He was rather nervous, sweating inside his clothing. He was wearing a white dress shirt and a pair of his good jeans, trying to look somewhat presentable, though his hair seemed to disagree, being as messy as ever. He paced the waiting room back and forth, trying to calm down. He had no idea what to do if this university will turn him down.

“Would you stop moving around so much? You’re making me dizzy!” Nora called at him, laughing lightly. The sound of his footsteps, moving left and right, was driving her crazy.

Heero stopped abruptly, and sighed. “Gomen.” He muttered, taking a seat in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

“You have no reason to be nervous. You aced every test they threw at you. You earned that scholarship fair and square.”

“I hope you’re right.” He mumbled, looking down at his hands.

“Mr. Yuy?” The dean’s secretary opened the door to his office and peeked into the waiting room. She smiled at Heero’s direction. “The dean will see you now.”

Nodding in acknowledgment and got up. Nora smiled in his general direction. She didn’t have to say anything, one smile was enough. Heero smiled back and walked into the office.

A few minutes after Heero disappeared into the office, Nora got up in search for the rest rooms. She made her way out of the waiting room, with the aid of her cane, and began searching the halls. When she had no luck finding the bathrooms, she decided to stop the useless search and seek someone who could help her.

It was probably the hand of fate that guided her down a certain hallway, and straight into someone. She bumped into someone, and immediately jumped back. She could hear books falling in a clatter to the floor, and a soft curse.

“Damn it...”

“I’m so sorry.” She hurried to apologize. “I didn’t see you.” She added in a helpless smile, turning her head up in the general direction she had heard the curse come from.

The person she had just bumped into was silent for a moment, until she heard him (her?) sigh helplessly.

“It’s my fault, ma’am. I didn’t look where I was going.” The person (definitely male) replied softly. He had a nice voice, kind of bittersweet and warm. He sounded young and optimistic. His voice made her smile.

“Enough apologizing.” She said, kneeling down to search for the fallen books. Her hands sought the area around them, grabbing a few books and collecting them into a pile. She could hear the other’s clothes rustle as he bent down to help her.

“Please, ma’am, there’s no need.”

“Nonsense.” She objected, picking up another book. “There you go.” She handed him the pile of books. “I hope that’s all.”

“It is. Thank you.” The young man spoke softly, taking the books from her. They both rose to their feet. “May I help you? Were you lost?”

Nora smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Yes. I was searching for the ladies’ room.”

She could somehow sense the man’s smile. “There’s one on the way to the main office. I’m heading there myself. Come on.” She could hear him pick up her cane from the floor, the metal scrapping against the polished wood. He took her hand, and she tensed for a moment. His hand was warm and soft, harmless, and she quickly relaxed. She let him lead her to the office.

A few months ago she would have been very distrustful and even rude to that young man, even if he was simply trying to help her. It was a defense mechanism she had developed over the years. Blind people were easy targets for criminals and bored soldiers during the war. It was easy to become their prey. She learned to be strong and independent, or she would have never survived the war. When the war ended she remained imprisoned inside her own protective walls, trapped inside her own icy fortress.

It was Heero who changed all that. He was a person who was easy to trust. There was a certain air around him, a certain feeling one got by simply standing by his side. It was that intensity of his presence, that comforting and inspiring spirit of his, which made her feel safe enough to let her guard down. It was that timid yet confident voice of his. That extreme contrast between his fragility and strength. He was such a strong and mature young man, and yet, he was only a shy little boy who was still trying to get by in life. How could one feel hostile towards such a person?

The need to help his troubled soul and offer him as much comfort as she could was what drove her to breach the walls of her fortress. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to care for him. She wanted to _feel_ for him. It would have been a crime if she would have let his kind and gentle spirit wither away in loneliness. He didn’t deserve such treatment.

So she helped him. She forced herself to overcome her habit of pushing people away, and invited him into her world. Before she knew it, she was a different person. As she “watched” him overcome his insecurity and come out of his solitude, step by step, slowly but gradually, she found that she too was changing. They walked that journey together, hand in hand, slowly learning to trust humanity again. It was a beautiful feeling, and it was what made her able to trust this young stranger she just met. She knew that there was no need to be so hostile anymore. Heero made her believe in human compassion again. He was a ruthless warrior once, and yet remained a benevolent young man in his heart. That was enough to make her see that there was still some goodness left in man’s heart.

Lost in her musings, Nora suddenly became aware of a certain sound. As they walked together closely she kept hearing this odd “whooshing” sound, and she also felt a light breeze touching her wrist. She was baffled by the reason for this sound and couldn’t keep herself from satisfying her curiosity. She bit her lower lip, biting back a chuckle, and quickly made her move. She freed her hand from the young man’s grasp and hurried to reach for the source of the sound. She ended up grabbing something forcefully and tugging it hard.

“Ouch!” The young man let out and jumped. “What the?!” He exclaimed, turning around quickly.

Nora chuckled. “Oh! It’s your hair!” She called, laughing. “I’m sorry!” She apologized, still snickering.

“Huh?” The young man let out dumbly, and she could hear him scratch his head, probably from pain or confusion. “You could hear my _hair_?”

She nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Yup. It keeps ‘whooshing’ all the time. I figured you either have a tail or I’m delusional. I have to admit I didn’t consider a braid as a possibility.”

“You are one strange woman.” The young man muttered, though she could tell that he was amused. “Next time just, uh, ask, all right?”

“No problem.” She replied smoothly, still smiling. “Now, I _really_ have to find that bathroom.”

The man chuckled. “Sure. I’ll take you there.” He said, taking her hand again. They resumed walking.

“I’m Duo, by the way.” He said casually, finally coming to a stop. He let go of her hand.

“Nora.” She replied, smiling at him. “And thanks for showing me the way.”

“Anytime. I gotta go back to class, so uh, will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you.” She assured him.

“Right. Well then, good day to you Nora.” He hurried to bid his goodbye and with a final, clumsy, handshake, he ran off. She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps, and then shook her head in amusement. What a funny young man. He reminded her of Heero, somehow. It was odd. They sounded nothing alike, but it was something in that sheepish note of his voice that reminded her of Heero.

Shrugging at the thought, she turned and entered the bathroom.

* * *

Only two weeks later Heero was already drowning in work. He was accepted to the university and thus he had a lot of catching up to do. He was down to working only twice a week, two shifts in a row. He had so much studying to do that he barely slept. It didn’t bother him much, he was used to hard work and few hours of sleep. It was actually quite stimulating to be back to a packed and tight schedule.

He had deliberately chosen courses of subjects he knew little about. He decided to leave the field of Natural Sciences and explore the field of Humanities and Social Sciences. He had enough of accurate sciences for a lifetime. He was majoring in psychology, with a side course of philosophy and basic literature. He wished to explore the more spiritual side of man. He believed that perhaps it would help him gain a new perspective on life, beginning from his own as well as mankind in general. He was hoping to find a different meaning to life than a constant struggle and fighting.

Most of his studying he did at Nora’s place or at the local library. His own apartment did not inspire him to open his mind and learn. On one weekend he took a break from his books and decided to clean Nora’s apartment. Nora was out on some arrangements – for some reason she had INSISTED on going alone – so he thought to use the time to clean her place. He was practically _living_ there, so it was the least he could do.

He was just dusting the shelves in the living room when something suddenly occurred to him. There he was, standing in front of a large bookcase, packed with many thick books, at a blind woman’s apartment!

Why would Nora have so many books if she was blind?!

He put the duster aside and turned to examine the books more closely. They were very dusty, suggesting that they haven’t been touched in a very long while. He pulled out some books to read the titles, frowning as he read them over:

“Diplomacy and Politics”. “Talking to the people”. “Social skills in the diplomatic world”. “The cause of the ambassador”. “Diplomatic history of Earth and Space”. “Connecting the Colonies with the Earth”. “World Diplomat”...

The list went on and on. There were many books dealing with both diplomacy and politics. He was surprised to find out that most of the books dealt with Space rather than the Earth. He was even MORE surprised to find a shabby old book written by the original, deceased, Heero Yuy. It was a fairly thick book dealing with the history of war and tension between Earth and the Colonies. He pulled that book out and leafed through it for a while. He recalled reading it sometime, long ago, and probably as a part of his training. Dr. J was an extreme patriot and he had him reading such books at a very young age.

Stunned, Heero put the book back in place and took a shaky step back. He was eyeing the bookshelf with wide and confused eyes. What did all of this had to do with Nora? He never knew she was so deeply into Colony Politics. Heck, he never even knew that she _was_ from the Colonies! The thought never occurred to him. Besides, why should she keep such a thing secret? What was she afraid to tell him?

He was about to reach for another book, when the door slowly opened. He hurried to withdraw his hand and quickly turned around. He turned just in time to see Nora struggle to enter the apartment while carrying three heavy paper bags. She was hidden behind the tall bags, the crown of a lettuce and a baguette hiding her face.

_That stubborn woman_ , he mused and strode hastily to the door. He took two heavy bags full of groceries from her hands, easing her load.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going shopping?” He asked, frowning, as they both made their way to the kitchen. “I could have helped.”

Nora was silent for a few moments, tiredly placing the brown bag on the kitchen table. She turned to him with a weary gaze, looking beat. Sighing, she said: “Heero, I can’t depend on you all the time. I’m a grown woman, I can handle myself.”

Taken aback by her words, Heero bit his lower lip and remained silent. He began taking out the different groceries out of the paper bag. He didn’t know if it was her words that bothered him, or the tone she used. She sounded so... depressed. Hopeless. Something was wrong. Her voice was too tired, and her words were unusually bitter. He thought she overcame her bitterness, just like he did. The thought of being wrong about it sent chills down his spine. He didn’t wish to be ignorant to her feelings. He wanted to be there for her.

“I’m sorry, Heero.” Nora muttered silently as she placed a carton of milk in the fridge. Her shoulders were slumped and her back was faced to him as she spoke: “I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just... tired, that’s all. I’m just tired.” She whispered with a sigh, slowly closing the refrigerator.

“I’m going to bed.” She added in a low murmur, her head bowed as she slowly walked out of the kitchen.

Heero frowned in worry, watching her go. He looked down at his wristwatch, noting that it was only five PM. He looked up at her bedroom door, a painful pinch tugging his heart when he saw Nora close it behind her.

Sighing, he bowed his head and closed his eyes sadly. His fists were clenched at the sides of his body. He felt so damn useless at the moment, being unable to help the woman he had learned to care about the most.

* * *

Nora came out of her room to make dinner that evening. Her every movement was stiff and tired as she worked to prepare the meal. The kitchen was silent aside for the clacking of a spoon against a pot and a knife on the cutting board. A soup was boiling on the stove, the soft bubbling filling the air with a numbing sound.

Heero was sitting by the kitchen table, his books set neatly in front of him. He was leaning over a thick and shabby notebook, his face concentrated with a frown as he tried to keep his mind on the text. His mind kept wandering back to the bookcase in the living room, back to those books Nora possessed. He wanted to ask her about them, but something told him that he shouldn’t.

There was tension in the air. The atmosphere in the kitchen was edgy and unpleasant. He felt tense even with no good reason, something in the air made his muscles taut. Nora’s solemn mood was a great part of it. Something was bothering the woman, and it bothered Heero as well.

He looked up from his books, stealing a glance towards her. She was standing by the stove, stirring the soup. Her shoulders were slumped and her appearance was tired. She seemed so fragile all of a sudden, far from the proud and sweet woman he was used to see.

There was great sadness inside Nora, there’s always have been. Sometimes, when he slept over, he could hear her cry at night. He would be lying on the sofa, curled under a blanket he never remembered covering himself with, as he listened to her cry. Her tears were bitter and full of grief. Her pain echoed in every sob. He would lie there, lost and confused, having no idea what to do. He didn’t know if he should go and comfort her, if he should force her to speak or just ignore it for the time being. There was so much sadness in her heart, so much pain he wanted to ease, but he didn’t know how. When she cried, all he did was curl under his blanket as his heart cried with her. He didn’t know what else to do.

The next morning she would be fine, all smiles and puns and sweet manners. She acted like nothing was wrong, like the sun was shining and everything was fine. She was a fool if she thought that he could not see her sadness. Her eyes might be blind, but they told volumes of what she was feeling. Something was murdering her from the inside. He had to make her speak about it, somehow. He knew from experience that if she would just talk about it, if she will let her secrets out, bear them in front of another soul, her heart will be ten times lighter. He used to keep so much hurt inside him, so much pain that his heart could not contain, and only when he began speaking about it, only when he had someone to listen, that pain began to ease. Nora was there to listen to him; she was there to listen and not to judge. He wanted to do the same for her.

“Heero, would you set the table please?” Nora asked quietly, before she turned off the fire in the stove.

“Hai.” He mumbled, closing his book. He slowly cleared his things off the kitchen table and walked over to the cupboard to take the plates. The kitchen was silent as he arranged the table, and it remained silent as Nora served the food. She sat down heavily, exhaling a long sigh. The chairs creaked loudly in the silent kitchen as both drew closer to the table and began to eat.

Heero stared at her sadly, leaving his food untouched. His heart clenched painfully when he realized how tired she looked, her features terribly pale.

“Is something wrong?” He dared to ask, his tone slow and careful.

Nora didn’t turn to face him, and simply took another sip of the soup. “No.” She said, sighing. “I’m just very tired, Heero.”

Heero sighed sadly. He used to be tired too, tired of living, but now he was grateful for every breath he drew. And it was all thanks to this woman. Why couldn’t he make her happy too!?

“I’ll be gone on some arrangements next week.” Nora informed him quietly while eating. “So don’t be surprised if I won’t be home.”

“Where are you going? Do you want me to come?” He asked, his tone somewhat hopeful.

Nora turned to face him, smiling warmly, though her eyes glittered with sadness. “There’s no need, Heero, really. I can do this by myself.”

“I understand.” Heero mumbled, bowing his head sadly.

“You’re welcomed to come over if you want, I’ll leave you a key.” She said, still smiling in that tired manner of hers. “I’ll leave you some food in the fridge, so you’ll have something to eat while studying.”

Heero sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, terribly bothered by this arrangement. He felt like a nuisance. Perhaps she was tired of his constant company. Perhaps he had used her hospitality to the limit. Was he not wanted here anymore? But that couldn’t be, because she invited him to stay anyway! No. there had to be another reason. Maybe she _did_ have something she HAD to do alone. But what?

“Heero, please don’t take it the wrong way.” Nora spoke softly. She could read his silence so well, to a point where she could almost _hear_ his thoughts. She knew that he was taking this too grimly.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Heero. There’s just something I have to take care of. It won’t be long, just a few hours.”

“I, I understand.” He mumbled, trying to tell himself that indeed he had nothing to worry about. It didn’t help much. He knew that something was going on, and it bothered him to no end.

* * *

“Hey, Heero, you’re not coming to the lecture?” One of the students in Heero’s basic-psychology class asked him as the lesson ended. The two sat side by side during the lesson, and they were on somewhat of friendly terms. When the young student noticed that Heero was in a rush to leave class, he ran after him and caught up with him in the hallway.

“It’s something all students must attend.” He informed Heero. “The Dean would have your HEAD if you’ll skip the lecture.”

Heero snorted and adjusted his hold on his backpack. “Colony-Terrorism between AC 180 to AC 190? Please, Nathan, save me the trouble.” He muttered, walking forward without shifting his gaze aside for a moment.

Students passed them by in a rush, heading the opposite way, towards the auditorium, where the lecture was held.

“I think that pre-war terrorism is pretty interesting. It should be a cool lecture.” Nathan contradicted with a smile.

“The last thing I want to hear at the moment is about terrorist attacks on space-embassies and federal buildings. I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.” He said bitterly, his gaze harsh and unforgiving as he continued walking forward.

Nathan sighed. “Fine, suit yourself. I’ll tell the dean you felt sick or something.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Heero thanked him softly, and the two parted ways. Nathan made his way back to the auditorium while Heero strode quickly out of the building and past the yard.

He was in such a hurry to leave, that he failed to notice another student skipping the lecture. He stalked promptly past a thick tree on his way out of the university, missing the sight of a swinging braid sneaking into a narrow passageway that led out of the yard, and into the street.

He hurried to catch the bus home and walked straight to Nora’s place. He keyed himself in and threw his backpack to the floor. He didn’t take the time to have a drink, freshen up, or eat something. He walked directly to the bookcase in the living room, back to the mystery, back to finding some answers.

He used Nora’s absence to try and dig a little into her past. He had little luck finding anything through the library computer. Her name didn’t come up anywhere notable. Just a few records of being born and alive, a recent Earth Sphere Citizen, but that wasn’t unusual because the Earth Sphere Government was established not so long ago, and all of its citizens were new. There was no way telling where she might have been before the Earth united into one nation. He didn’t want to use his skills and hack the City Hall records, because he promised himself to stop all illegal activities once the war was over. He decided, back then, that he will start from scratch, and he will do it in an honest and decent way.

Therefore his search through the bureaucratic world ended with no results. The most logical thing to do was start at the root of the problem, the very core of his search- Nora’s apartment. He decided that the bookcase was a good place to start.

He scanned the books once again, going through all the political and diplomatic reading material. He pulled out each book, scanned it quickly and searched between its pages. He found nothing. Just a few ragged notes, written in someone’s messy handwriting. He assumed it wasn’t Nora’s writing, but he could never be sure because he never saw her write anything.

Dejected, he reached for the last book on the shelf. It was a thick, dusty and moldy book. It smelled like old paper, its pages turning yellow with age. Reading the title on the cover, Heero saw that it was just another book about diplomacy.

“Understanding the people”, the cover said. Heero sighed and opened the book. The hard cover made a soft scarping noise as he opened it, suggesting that the book hadn’t been opened in a long, long, while. The first page was empty of print, but there was a small handwritten dedication:

Never forget what this is all about, dear.

The people are the heart and soul of every public server.

Good luck with your new job.

Love,

Nora.

Heero frowned in confusion. These books didn’t belong to Nora. They were someone else’s books. But who?

Taking a deep breath, he began leafing through the thick book. There were whole chapters filled with paragraphs that spoke of peace and humanity. About righteousness and honesty. About caring for the cause and never forgetting who you work for. The guide for the perfect politician, if there was such a thing. This book treated the corruption in the political world like the disease that it was. It was filled with dreams and visions that never came true. Heero wondered if anyone ever bothered to read this book besides the one Nora got it for. Considering all that went on in the political arena during the last few decades, it was highly unlikely.

Sighing, he turned the book over to look at the back cover. Something fell out of the book as he turned it over, and landed on the floor.

Heero swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. For some reason, his heart began beating faster. He slowly bowed his head to look down at the fallen object.

It was a photograph, lying face down at his feet.

His breath quickened as he bent down to pick it up. His hand was trembling as he held it and brought it up to his face. There was a certain forbidding feeling in the air. His heart was pounding hard as he slowly turned the photograph over. There were answers there, he was sure. He just wasn’t sure if he was allowed to know them.

The photo lay heavily in his arms for a long time. He just stood there, staring at it numbly, his gaze unfocused. He felt the pressure rise in the air around him, making the air too heavy to breathe. The picture was like dead weight in his hand. He took a faltering breath before focusing his eyes on the picture. His glazed blue eyes slowly came back to focus and looked at it.

The photograph was old, its edges eaten up. There were small yellow stains over it, but still it was very clear. There were three people photographed there, a man, a woman and a small child. They were standing in what looked like a big green park, the silver casing of a colony in the background.

Heero swallowed hard and examined the woman’s face. He was looking into the face of a very young, maybe twenty-years-old, Nora. She was wearing a bright blue dress, which reached down to her ankles, and her long hair was gathered in a thick braid lying over her shoulder. She wasn’t looking directly into the lens, meaning that she was blind. But there was a bright light in her eyes that he had never seen before. She seemed very happy, as was the man by her side.

She was standing beside a tall and handsome young man. The two were hugging each other, his hand around her waist, both of them smiling at the camera. He was taller than her, dark and handsome. Leaning closer to the picture, Heero thought that he could see a hint of Asian heritage in the man’s features.

His hand was trembling badly as he turned his eyes to look at the third person in the picture- a small, maybe three years old, child. He was standing by his father, holding his large hand with his little palm. There was a wide, sweet, smile lighting his little features, his dark blue eyes sparkling with joy and love. He was so tiny compared to his parents, but his pose suggested that he felt bigger than life at the moment. There was a strong feeling of love, trust and happiness radiating from that single photo. A small moment frozen in time that contained so much emotion, so many feelings and so much told without one word said.

Heero found himself drawn to the picture. He held it with shaking hands, bringing it closer to his face as if meaning to get sucked into that picture, into that beautiful moment in time.

He staggered backwards, slowly sitting down on the couch. He didn’t take his eyes off the picture the whole time. His heart was beating painfully. He wanted to know everything about this picture. Where was it taken? When? He was holding the reason for Nora’s unhappiness in his hand, and he wanted to know why. Where did all the happiness in that photo disappear? What happened?

He had to make Nora speak about it.

Bowing his head, he reached his hand to carefully touch the picture. He ran his fingers gently over the photograph, caressing each face. A small smile spread on his lips, as a tiny tingle of warmth touched his heart. For a moment, he felt like a part of that picture, like a member of the happy family. For a moment, his heart filled with such warmth, so familiar and strong, that he could have sworn he had felt it before.

The door suddenly opened and Nora walked in. Heero flinched, startled, and dropped the picture.

“Heero, are you here?” Nora called as she closed the door, her voice tired.

Heero nodded and hurried to bend down and pick the photograph. “H-hai.” He called back, his hands moving frantically to hide the photo, though common sense suggested that he didn’t have to.

Nora sighed and hung her coat by the door. Her movements were stiff and tired. “Are you studying?” She asked wearily, some numb callousness evident in her voice.

“Yes.” Heero hurried to say, shoving the photo into the book. He hurried to slam it shut, flinching at the loud sound it made. His heart was racing and his cheeks burnt with shame. He felt bad for what he had done, and he felt even worse for the fact that he could easily hide it from her because she was blind.

“Is something wrong?” Nora asked, moving slowly towards the sofa. She wiped a few chunks of her long hair back, moving it out of her tired eyes. She could hear the different rhythm of his breathing, which she already knew how to recognize according to his mood. She could tell when he was sleeping or simply tired, when he was in a lot of physical exertion, eating, drinking, watching television, concentrating on his studying, angry, happy, cold, warm... anything at all. She was used to hear the sound of his breathing, the very rhythm of his life, in her apartment. The place felt empty and cold when this sound was absent. Right now she knew that he was nervous or troubled. His tone of voice supported that assumption.

“Is everything all right?” She asked again, sitting down by his side. She turned to face him, her features worried. Heero couldn’t help but notice how pale she was. She looked sick. He didn’t want to cause her any more trouble.

Sighing, he looked away. “Everything is fine.” He whispered, trying to sound like he meant it. It was hard to fool Nora. “I’m just... tired. Too much studying, I guess.”

“I see. Would you like me to make you some coffee?” She asked, preparing to get up.

Heero shook his head. “No, there’s no need, Nora. Thank you.” He assured her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her down to the couch. He got up himself. “I’ll help myself.” He said and walked to the kitchen. He placed the book on the kitchen table; under a few newspapers he had read that morning. His heart was still beating faster with guilt. Questions were swirling wildly in his mind, making him dizzy. His hand trembled as he made himself a cup of strong coffee, and a cup of tea for Nora. She looked too ill and too pale for his liking. He was worried.

* * *

He took it onto himself to make dinner that night. Silence hung heavily in the air as he served the meal to the table and sat down to eat. Nora seemed to be lost in thought, merely sitting there and staring sadly at her meal. He tried to coax some words out of her, but she was not in the mood for talking. Heero understood and remained silent. The atmosphere in the usually cozy apartment chilled by a couple degrees.

When they were done eating, Nora prepared to clear the table. Heero’s heart sank when he noticed that her hands trembled when she picked up her plate. He jumped out of his seat and took the plate from her.

“I’ll do it.” He didn’t wait for her agreement and began to clear the table. Nora stood there for a while, until she retired to bed with a long sigh. From his position by the sink, Heero watched her walk stiffly out of the kitchen and disappear into her bedroom. His heart twitched in pain when he saw her close the door behind her, shutting him out completely.

He swallowed the tears that were conniving to assault him, vanquishing them before they could conjure any attack plans. He turned back to the sink, his hands moving frantically under the warm water, scrubbing the plates furiously. His blue eyes were numb and moist, flooded with self-loathing and shame. For all the support and comfort Nora offered him, for all the good she had done for him, he couldn’t give back even half of it. What a useless person he was, unable to help the person he cared about the most.

He finished with the dishes, and cleaned the kitchen, all the while thinking helplessly of a way to approach Nora with his discovery about the photograph. With a heavy sigh, he brought his books to the kitchen and sat down to study. The apartment was dark, except for the light in the kitchen. When he looked ahead he encountered nothing but the dark void of the living room and Nora’s closed door. It hurt to see it closed, so he turned away, back to his books. It was hard for him to concentrate on the text, but he was not willing to leave the apartment just yet. It wouldn’t be the first time he would stay the night, and this time it was essential for him to stay. He didn’t want to leave Nora’s side. He might not be of much help, but the least he could do was stay. Let her know that he was there if she needed him.

Four hours later found Heero leaning over his book with his head pillowed in his arms. He was deep asleep, his mouth slightly open as he breathed. His eyelids were flickering under the effect of a dream, a few tears lingering to the corner of his eyes. The apartment was silent aside for his heavy breathing. It was so silent that one could almost hear the tears sliding slowly down his cheeks. Those tears were for Nora, because even in his dream he was trying hard to find away to help her. In his dream, he realized, his heart filled with love. He loved her too much to let her wallow in dark misery. He wanted to reach out and hug her with all his might, to sooth all of her pain. Somewhere in his dream, a dreadful feeling overtook him, telling him that he could never take her pain away. And for that, he also cried.

A silent creaking sound tore through the silence of the night as Nora’s door slowly opened. Dressed in an ankle-length nightgown and a robe, her long hair unbound, Nora clutched her robe tightly and slowly made her way towards the kitchen. At the sound of Heero’s breathing, she stopped in the doorway, turning her blind gaze in his direction. He was having another nightmare, she concluded, her heart going out for him.

She sighed quietly and slowly removed her robe. She placed it gently over his back, covering him. She stood by his chair, listening to the comforting sound of his breathing. She reached a trembling hand forward, until her fingers brushed against his hair. She caressed him gently, lovingly, running her fingers through his soft hair. A small, sad, smile touched her lips and she sighed again, closing her eyes sadly. Tears leaked down her cheeks, and her heart felt heavy with anguish.

“Oh Hikari...”

* * *

“So how’s it going with your studying?” Raul asked as he cleaned the coffee mugs behind the counter. Heero, who was cleaning the service counter, shrugged.

“All right, I suppose. I have finales coming up.” He answered quietly. He was in a solemn mood, and not much willing to make conversation. Though Raul and he had gotten close in the last few weeks, ever since they discovered that they were in the same literature class, Heero didn’t feel like speaking with him today. His mind was troubled with other topics, the main one being Nora. He couldn’t stop thinking about the woman. About her sadness and the pain that hovered over her like a dark cloud. The story told in the old photograph was eating at her heart. He was afraid of losing her to despair. He was determined to do everything in his power to keep her from falling into the same dark pit she had rescued him from not so long ago. She had managed to chase his pain away, to ease his sadness, and he felt so ungrateful for being unable to do the same for her. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted to comfort her, but she didn’t let him get close. She was beginning to close off again, like she was when they first met.

He knew it had something to do with the photo he found. He knew that there was a past she was mourning for, a loss that was far greater than anything he could imagine. He just didn’t know how to make her speak of it. How to let her know that he was willing to listen, that he was willing to help. He wasn’t sure how exactly, but he wanted to try. He owed her so much; he wanted to return all the favors she had done for him.

“Really? Me too.” Raul replied with a smile, cutting Heero’s string of thought. “Professor Ravitz is giving us all a hard time.”

Heero nodded, and threw his cloth aside. He made his way to the coffee machine and released the pot. He began the routine task of cleaning the machine and refreshing the coffee supply.

“You’re not much in a talking mood today, are you?” Raul asked more seriously, some concern evident in his voice.

Heero sighed and reached a hand into the coffee pot in order to gather all the mud-like coffee powder that clung to the bottom.

“Is something wrong?” Raul asked, stepping closer to Heero.

“No.” Heero muttered, reaching a hand inside the pot. Unfortunately for him, the pot was still very hot, the muddy coffee burning his fingers. In reflex, he yanked his hand out of there, jumping back. The dark substance he had gathered in his hand flew back and landed all over Raul’s shirt.

“Shit.” Heero cursed, waving his burnt hand in an attempt to cool it. “It was still hot.” He sighed, turning to face Raul.

The young man’s shirt was stained with the muddy coffee. “Yeah, and now I’m covered with it.” Raul muttered bitterly, looking down at his dirty shirt.

Heero smiled in apology. “I’m sorry, Raul.” He said, his voice small and dejected. “I forgot to check if it was hot.”

Raul glared at him, though it was all in good spirits. “And to think that you used to be a Gundam pilot...” He snarled, and then winked. He tried to wipe the dark muck of his shirt, making a disgusted face. “Oh yuck...”

“Here, give me your shirt.” Heero said, already unbuttoning his own uniforms. “We’ll make a switch while I’ll go clean it for you.” He offered, taking his pink/blue/white shirt off. He handed it to Raul.

The young man smiled thankfully. “Thanks, man.” He said, slipping out of his own shirt. “The last thing I need is Mr. Malcolm walking in here and seeing me like this. He doesn’t favor me as much as he favors you...” He muttered, handing Heero the shirt.

“I’ll be right back.” Heero promised, walking into the kitchen with Raul’s dirty shirt.

The other young man hurried to put Heero’s shirt on, straighten the nametag that got tangled in the fabric, and went back to work.

The diner’s door opened and a costumer walked in. He made his way to the counter and sat on one of the stools.

“Hey there.” He called, gaining Raul’s attention.

The young waiter turned to face him. He smiled when he recognized the young man. It was hard to forget a young man with hair as long as this one’s. It was that tourist that walked into the diner about two months ago. He was dressed rather elegantly, with a fashionable red shirt, a black scarf and a matching sweater on top of it. His hair was tidier than the last time he’d seen him, probably because there were no more stormy winds to tousle it so badly. His long braid was resting smoothly over his back, his bangs brushed aside nicely. And, like last time, there was a warm smile on his face. Raul couldn’t help but to smile back.

“Hey. What’s up? You’re still in town?”

The young man’s smile grew when he saw that he was recognized. “Yup. I’ve kinda settled in here.” He answered with a large smile, looking around the empty diner before turning back to Raul. “Care to give me some coffee?”

Raul nodded. “Sure. You’ll have it here or you want it to go?”

“Nah, I’ll have it here. Throw in a ham sandwich while you’re at it. I’m starved.” He said lightly, pulling a thick book out of a bag he was carrying. He laid it on the counter and began reading silently. When Raul returned with his order, he saw that the young man was busy writing side notes on the book, with a pencil, and there was a concentrated expression on his face. He didn’t want to bother him so he just placed the plate by his side and returned to finish what Heero had started- cleaning the coffee machine.

The diner was silent again, until there was a small snapping sound, like wood breakig. The young costumer cursed. “Damn it.” He said, sighing. He looked up at Raul. “I don’t suppose you have a pencil around here?”

Raul turned to see him waving a broken pencil. “Uh...” He looked down at his uniforms, and saw that there was a pencil shoved in the pocket of his - Heero’s – shirt. He handed it to the man with a smile. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” The other answered with a smile, taking the pencil.

“So,” Raul began in a friendly tone. “You’re a student?”

The other nodded, not taking his eyes off his book. “Yup. Harcourt Brace, home of ex-soldiers with some brains!” He said jokingly, tapping on his chest with mock-pride.

“Really?” Raul marveled. “I also go to Harcourt!”

The young man frowned, looking up at him. “Is that so? Well, in that case I should finally introduce myself, right?” He said, reaching a hand over the counter. “Duo Maxwell.”

Raul smiled and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.” He said. He was about to introduce himself as well, when Duo suddenly continued speaking.

“I’ve never seen you around Harcourt, uh...” He looked down at Raul’s shirt, reading the nametag. His eyes suddenly widened. His head jerked up, looking at Raul in shock. “Heero Yuy!?” He exclaimed, stunned. “Y-your name is Heero Yuy!?”

Raul frowned, looking down at himself. Why did he just call him... Oh! Heero’s shirt! He hurried to turn back to Duo, smiling in apology.

“No, that’s not my...”

It was at that exact moment that the kitchen door opened and Heero walked back into the diner. He was holding Raul’s clean shirt in his hand, making his way towards the young man.

“Sorry about this, Raul.” He said apologetically, handing the man his shirt as he walked past the counter. “I cleaned...” His mind suddenly realized something, all systems coming to a full stop. “...it.” His voice trialed off while his features turned numb. He slowly turned to face the man by the counter, the shirt hanging loosely in his limp hand.

Raul watched in confusion as the two locked gazes, looking stunned into each other’s eyes.

“D-Duo...” Heero stuttered, his features covered with disbelief.

“Heero.” The other said, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

Raul was confused. “Uh... you two know each other?”

* * *

Heero fidgeted in his seat, keeping his gaze on his hands, which rested on his lap. Across of him, at the other side of the table, sat Duo, also silent. The two were sitting by one of the more remote tables at the diner, together in a quiet corner. There were two cups of coffee in front of them, courtesy of Raul who hurried to give them “some space”, as he explained with a sheepish laughter.

He was both embarrassed and confused. He didn’t know what to make of this encounter. He had learned to accept, a long time ago, that the other pilots chose to move on with their lives and go their separate ways. The only family he could claim to ever have broke apart. It was only natural, he assumed.

“So,” Duo began, forcing some cheerfulness into his voice. It sounded strained nonetheless. “This is shocking, isn’t it?” He commented with a restrained laugh. “I mean, what are the odds, huh?”

“Yeah.” Heero breathed, keeping his head bowed.

There was a long silence, at which Duo took the time to sip his coffee.

“So, uh... How long have you been working here?” He finally asked, daring to send a small glance at Heero’s way. The other man’s silence was making him a little uncomfortable.

Heero inhaled deeply, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. His head was still bowed. “About two years...” He mumbled, so confused and embarrassed that he couldn’t bring himself to speak loudly. “Maybe a little less.”

“No shit.” Duo marveled, leaning back in his chair. He took another sip, gazing out the window. “I’ve been around here for like... six months. It’s funny how we never ran into each other.” He turned back to Heero, his gaze fierce and serious.

Heero finally gathered the courage to look up at Duo. He took a deep breath and raised his head to meet Duo’s eyes. He swallowed before speaking. “W-where have you been? Before, I-I mean.” He asked, his voice shaking. His cheeks were also a little flushed. He was terribly embarrassed, but he didn’t know why. This was Duo after all. He knew him inside out. They used to be comrades. Friends. Brothers. Why was it so hard to speak?

Sighing, Duo leaned back into his seat, resting one arm on the table. He began tracing the edge of his cup as he spoke. “I went back to space. Straight after the war. Couldn’t bear to stay down here a minute longer.” He turned to look at Heero with a bitter smile. “Too many memories, yanno?”

Heero watched him silently, unblinkingly, trying to understand. This _was_ Duo in front of him, wasn’t it? He was not dreaming, right? He was so... _real_. That hair, the way it shone under the sunlight. Those unique amethyst eyes, with all the laughter and the pain. That bitter smile of his and the way he was drinking his coffee. They were so... Duo. Why did he have to leave?

When he saw that he wasn’t getting any clear reaction out of Heero, Duo sighed and slumped his shoulders. He returned to sipping his drink, gazing out the window. “Why did you stay on Earth, Heero?” He asked, still watching the window. His voice was quiet and solemn.

Heero sighed, lowering his gaze. He reached a hesitant hand for his coffee and began stirring it. “I woke up in a hospital three weeks after the war ended. My physical condition did not allow me to leave Earth just yet. A shuttle flight would have only damaged my health. I stayed on Earth until I was fully recovered, and then...” He sighed, shrugging. “I didn’t have any reason to leave.” He mumbled, looking at the window as well. “Or to stay. It didn’t really matter.”

Duo chuckled bitterly. “Sounds reasonable enough.” He said, turning back to face Heero.

Their gazes locked. There was a certain shine in Duo’s eyes. They seemed to shimmer, the soft gray sunshine coming from the window casting a certain aura to those amethyst orbs. They looked remorseful. Apologetic. Heero felt uncomfortable under such gaze. He didn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry, Heero.” Duo whispered, his voice faltering. There was deep and earnest remorse in his voice.

Heero frowned, having a hard time to follow. “What for?” He asked, trying hard to understand. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Again that bitter chuckle. Duo shook his head slowly, as if amused by something, though his amusement seemed cynical. He took a deep breath and turned to look at Heero again, his eyes shining warmly. “You’ll never change, will you?” he said, “Forgiving everyone but yourself.” He sighed, shaking his head again before locking his gaze with Heero’s.

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Heero said carefully, unsure about the purpose behind Duo’s words.

“Heero,” Duo began, leaning forward and resting both his elbows on the table. He leaned so close that he was but three inches from Heero’s face. “I let you wake up to an empty room in that hospital. I just packed my bags and left. That’s not what friends do.” He brought one hand forward, reaching for Heero’s hand, which was still holding the teaspoon limply. Heero tensed a little in surprised, and turned a pair of confused blue eyes at Duo’s direction. His hand was so warm...

“I feel awful about what I’ve done.” Duo confessed silently, his voice anguished. “I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. Just like when--”

“No.” Heero said sharply, pulling his hand away. “Don’t you dare bring that up.” He hissed, a curtain of dark pain shadowing his eyes. “There was nothing you could have done for me back then, and there was nothing you could have done when the war ended.” He said, his breathing harsh. His chest was clenching with pain just by the mere mentioning of that dark, cold, and awful prison. His heart was pounding faster and he had to stop his hand from trembling.

“I’m sorry.” Duo whispered again, pulling away from Heero. He settled back into his chair, leaning on it heavily. Sighing, he bowed his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry...”

They drew apart, distancing themselves from the other, and sinking into a heavy silence. Heero couldn’t tear his eyes off Duo’s slumped and defeated form. His heart ached for him. He felt bad for bursting the way he did. Duo didn’t deserve it.

“Duo,” he began quietly. Duo looked up, carefully raising his head. Heero somehow managed to offer a small, nervous, smile.

“I’ve missed you.” He confessed, his eyes looking brightly at the braided man. “And I don’t hold any grudges against you.” He added softly.

Duo smiled warmly, his eyes shining in gratitude. “Thanks, Heero. I missed you too.” He chuckled, mirthfully this time, looking at Heero with a shining pair of eyes. Heero couldn’t help but to smile back. The two began talking freely; they had a lot of catching up to do.

* * *

That night when Heero returned from work he was ecstatic. He went straight to Nora’s place and knocked on the door. Without waiting for an answer, he let himself in - as he usually did – a smile on his face as he searched for the woman. He couldn’t wait to tell her about his unexpected reunion.

His smile quickly faded when he entered the kitchen, and found Nora sitting there, the shabby picture in front of her. She was leaning back in her chair, her shoulders slumped and her back curled in tired defeat. Her fingers were touching the photo, her dead blue eyes gazing ahead as if able to see it.

Heero halted, his body frozen. He swallowed hard, his heart beating faster. Suddenly, he was afraid of entering the kitchen.

“Where did you find it?” Nora’s solemn, quiet voice spoke up, carrying waves of sorrow and guilt within it.

Heero inhaled deeply and bowed his head in shame. “I was cleaning the bookshelf...” He explained quietly, shamefully.

“I see...” Nora mumbled, her voice numb. Heero berated himself for leaving the book in the kitchen and completely forgetting about it. He had only caused her more pain.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, coming to stand by her side. “Nora, I’m sorry.”

A heavy silence fell. Heero closed his eyes sadly, feeling ashamed.

“I’m sorry...” He whispered again, his heart beating painfully. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Nora was terribly silent. Her head was bowed as she gazed blindly at the photograph, her long fingers resting on it heavily. There were tears welling in her eyes, a few fat droplets falling upon old picture. She slowly reached to caress a photograph that was full of long forgotten smiles.

“God, I wish I could see it...” She whispered sadly, making Heero’s heart sink with pain. He watched her slim fingers caress the family photo. “I nearly forgot how they looked like...”

Heero nodded slowly in understanding. The images of his own past were also dim and unclear. He had forgotten them a long time ago. The memories he possessed were merely shadows of a past long gone.

“You never told me that you lived in the Colonies.” He finally dared to speak; drawing a chair to seat by her side. He laid a hesitant hand on her shoulder. “Would you like to speak about it? It’s not much... but I can listen.”

Nora sighed heavily. “I just wanted to forget...” She mumbled, her fingers finding the photo of her baby boy, even without the aid of her eyes. She caressed the photo gently, sadly, her glazed eyes glittering with tears. “It was a long time ago...”

“This is before you went blind?” Heero asked, carefully moving closer to her. He wanted her so badly to open up and speak about it, the way she allowed him to do when he needed someone to listen.

Nora let out a small chuckle/whimper, shaking her head. More tears flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe them away.

“I was a stupid girl,” she began with a quivering voice, “I was so wrapped in my happiness after I had gotten married, that I insisted on giving natural birth to my son.” She sighed sadly, closing her eyes. “As you may know, it was not the safest thing to do back then.”

Heero nodded in understanding. “Many women died of labor complications.”

Nora sniffled. “Yeah. I was lucky to stay alive, but the pregnancy had cost me my eyesight. It began fading gradually as the pregnancy progressed. By the time my baby was born I could barely see.” She paused, taking a shaky breath. “I got to have one single look into his eyes before I became completely blind.”

By now she was crying, her voice irregular as she spoke. She placed a hand over her mouth, squeezing the tears out of her eyes as she cried: “He had such beautiful blue eyes...”

Heero didn’t know what to do, what to say, so he simply hugged her. He leaned closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He pulled her into a small embrace, guiding her head to lean on his shoulder.

“He was such a sweet boy...” Nora mumbled into his neck. “He was so smart and independent. He had to help me around the house, because I couldn’t see what I was doing. He was so bright, he learned everything so fast... I couldn’t teach him, Heero. I couldn’t teach him about colors and shapes... I didn’t see anything! When he asked me about things I couldn’t answer. I just couldn’t!” She cried harder, burying her face in Heero’s chest.

Heero held her until she calmed a little bit. He kept silent, knowing from experience that she needed to let it all out.

Nora sniffled, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “But he learned... he learned from his father and he learned from the television... My husband... he spent every spare minute he had with him. I was still adjusting to my blindness, so Hayashi had to compensate for everything I couldn’t do for our son... They loved each other so much...”

She suddenly broke in a small chuckle, remembering something from long ago. “Hayashi, my husband, he... he worked at the L1 embassy. It drove Hikari crazy when his father went to work. He did anything in his power to try and keep his father home. He cried and he screamed and he clung to him desperately, trying to make him stay. But Hayashi... he was very devoted to his work. He... he had to work late, and it broke my son’s heart.” She took a moment to breathe, wiping away her tears. Heero continued holding her, always silent, his eyes tearful as well.

“One day Hikari made it practically impossible for my husband to leave. He insisted that he should stay home, claiming that he shouldn’t go to work. ‘It will be bad’, he cried over and over.” A choked sob escaped her and she had to take a moment to adjust her breathing. “He was crying hysterically and begging Hayashi not to leave. My husband was late to a very important meeting that day, he had to leave. Since Hikari didn’t let him go, he offered to take him to work with him. He promised him a fun day at daddy’s work. Hikari was ecstatic.” She sighed, her breath faltering. Heero held her tighter, feeling her whole body tense. He could see how hard it was for her to speak of this.

Nora smiled sadly and continued talking. “I remember packing their lunch that day... I was learning how to cook Japanese food for Hayashi, because his mother passed away and he missed her cooking. I made them a small Japanese lunch and waved them goodbye as they left.”

She paused, taking a deep breath. Heero felt her tremble in his arms. He held her tighter and waited silently for her to continue.

“There was a terrorist attack on the embassy that day. It was blown up in an assassination attempt. There were... there were no survivors.” Nora’s sobs grew harsher. She buried her face in his chest, weeping mournfully. Heero swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, his eyes stinging with tears.

“He was only three years old...” Nora cried, shaking her head in denial. “He was such a good little boy! He had his whole life ahead of him! He was so smart, and sweet, and kind... There was nothing left of him. Nothing... When they called me to identify the bodies, all I could do was run my fingers over them. They were so... disfigured... I could barely recognize them. My baby boy... there was nothing left to recognize...”

The sobs returned and shook her body. She clung to Heero desperately, clutching his shirt in her hand as she cried. Two silver trials of tears slid quietly down Heero’s cheeks, slowly falling onto Nora’s hair. He took a deep breath, trying hard not to cry as well, and leaned his head on top of Nora’s. He closed his eyes tight and drew her closer, hugging her so hard until he was sure it hurt.

Images flashed quickly through his mind. Again that building, behind the park. Blue dress. Long hair. Soft fingers.

His tears grew bolder, overwhelming him. He let out a choked whimper and buried his face deep in her hair.

“I’m so sorry, Nora...” He cried, his voice trembling with pain. “I’m so sorry I made you talk about this... I’m so sorry... about what happened...” He whispered hoarsely, desperate to make the pain go away. His eyes were closed tight as he tried to block the ghostly memories that suddenly flooded him. Pain. Fear. Blackness. War. Loss. A big explosion. “I’m sorry...”

They remained locked in a desperate embrace, holding each other tight. They refused to let go, afraid that the other might disappear the moment they will separate. Heero’s shirt was soaked with Nora’s bitter tears, his own features also damp with the salty liquid. She refused to let go of him even when her sobs calmed. She held onto him like a frightened child. Her blind blue eyes were wide open, glazed over with tears. They seemed to be looking far ahead at nothing. She took comfort from the feeling of Heero’s strong, warm, arms around her. Closing her eyes, she silently confessed that she loved him so very much...

After a few moments more, they drew apart. Nora slowly detached herself from his embrace, sniffling and wiping away the last of her tears. She turned to face him, her lips trembling. Heero sat still, looking at her calmly. He didn’t pull away when she reached two trembling hands towards him. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply when her fingers touched him, tracing his face gently. Her fingers were cool and smooth, hesitant and timid. She trailed them carefully over his face, feeling his features. She closed her eyes as well, trying to create an image of him by what her finger sensed.

Heero inhaled shakily, letting her fingers explore his face. He stiffened a little, a natural instinct when someone was too close, but forced himself to relax. He felt her trace his nose, his lips, and his jaw. She moved up to feel his cheeks, brushing over his closed eyes. She ran her fingers through his messy bangs, tousling them a little before moving down the sides of his head to his temples, his ears, and down to his chin. He swallowed, his heart pounding strongly in his chest. Again those images. A green park. A cozy home. Long hair. Blue dress. A caress.

Nora’s fingers slowly withdrew. He opened his eyes and looked down at her silently. Her blind eyes were directed at him. She was smiling sadly.

“You’re very handsome.” She whispered, her voice faltering from her previous tears. “You’re a wonderful young man, Heero.” She continued, petting his cheek gently. “You’re everything I wished Hikari could be.” She admitted silently, her cheeks blushing red. Her smile widened as she realized that his cheeks were also warm. He was also blushing.

“You’re going to make someone very happy one day.” She assured him with a smile, tapping on his head lightly. She could sense his smile and ruffled his hair in return. “The one who’ll win your heart will be so lucky...”

“Please, Nora, you’re embarrassing me.” Heero mumbled, some cheerfulness returning to his voice. He took a long breath before looking up at her. Her pale features still showed traces of tears, and she seemed about ten years older. His heart filled with compassion towards her. He felt like he hadn’t done enough for her yet. He wanted to make her happy.

“I’ll make you some tea.” He said and hurried to get up.

Nora slumped back against the chair, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. She listened to the soft sounds that filled the kitchen, accompanied by the warm feeling of Heero’s presence. Taking a deep breath, she raised the photo to her chest and hugged it tightly. Leaning her head back, her eyes closed, she took a moment to just. . . breathe. Her heart felt a million times lighter.

* * *

“Are you heading home, Heero?” Duo asked as the two walked down the halls of Harcourt Brace University. Walking by his side, a small backpack hanging loosely over his shoulder, Heero nodded.

“Yes. I finished my classes for today.” He turned to look at the young man by his side, looking up a little for Duo had grown a bit taller than him. “How about you?”

Duo sighed tiredly, turning to look out the large color-glass windows that decorated the hallway. It was already dark outside.

“I have two more classes to go, man. Dr. Hendrix has us slaving day and night.” He muttered, waving a small hello to a couple of students walking by. They waved back at the two of them, and Heero nodded a small hello as well. They kept walking

“I’m sorry, Heero, but I guess I’ll have to cancel that dinner again.” Duo apologized with a sigh.

“Don’t worry about it.” Heero assured him, noting Duo’s bitter tone. “Nora will understand. It’s only the _third_ time you’ve canceled.” He turned to him with a smirk.

Duo chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, I know. And you like making me feel guilty about it.” He turned to Heero with a bright smile.

“It’s because I want you to meet her. It’s important to me.” Heero explained, turning his head away sheepishly.

“I know.” Duo said, reaching his hand for Heero’s. He held his hand gently and gave it a light squeeze. “And I promise that the minute I’ll have time, I’ll come over.”

Though he felt like sighing, Heero couldn’t help but smile at the longhaired man. “I understand.” He said, squeezing back. The two stopped in front of Duo’s biology class.

“Well, this is it.” Duo said casually, flipping a few bangs out of his eyes. He turned to look at Heero with a smile. “You’re heading home, right?”

Heero nodded. “Aa. I have some lessons to catch up with.” He said. “I will see you tomorrow.”

Duo nodded and gave him a friendly pat on the back. “Don’t abuse the coffee pot too much, man!” He joked, waving a goodbye as he walked into the classroom.

Heero watched his swinging braid disappear behind the doorway, his eyes shining. “Baka.” He snorted softly, and turned to leave.

It’s been two months since he and Duo ran into each other at the diner. Since then there was only more warmth in Heero’s world. Not only did Nora’s smile return, but he had also gained another reason to smile.

The fateful meeting with Duo brought only more warmth into his heart. He won his best friend back, a link to his past and a certain hope for his future. The two didn’t separate since the meeting at the diner. It was the hand of chance that brought them back together, and they were clever enough to make the most of it. It was one thing to make friends and socialize with new people, but it was even a greater thing to have an old friend back into your life. Heero was delighted to have Duo back in his life. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed the company of the cheerful and optimistic young man. How much he enjoyed his serious side too, the mature man behind the joker mask. He had missed having his bright and passionate spirit in his life. Duo made everything in the world look better. Everything was easier to bear, just like it was during the war.

He found himself thinking of Duo often. It was odd because he didn’t give Duo much thought in the past. He was too busy being depressed or trying to get a certain hold of life, that he didn’t have the time to stop and think about him. It’s not like he had a particular reason to be thinking of Duo. At least, he didn’t think he should have such reason. He was confused, because the more time he spent with Duo, the more time he spent thinking about him. He found it hard to concentrate on his studying. His mind tended to wander on his own, daydreaming when he should be learning.

He replayed events in his head, old memories from the war and new precious memories from recent times. All of them had to do with Duo. He recalled all those times Duo and he shared a dorm room in various boarding schools. How he got mad at Duo for simply being there and distracting him all the time. Then he recalled how much he missed the constant chatter and casual contact when Duo was gone. How he had gotten used to the boy placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning over him or simply sitting by his side.

During the war Duo filled a certain void in him. He was able to reach where others could not. He managed to get the attention of the boy behind the soldier. He did it so simply and easily, without trying. It was just so easy to get used to him, to be with him. Even when he didn’t know how to respond to these feelings, to the urge to be with Duo and hear what he has to say about any trivial thing, he knew that he wanted to be near him. He felt alive when Duo was around, simply because Duo’s personality was larger than life itself. He was alive for both of them, and Heero enjoyed life through what Duo said or did. He was his anchor to life and the only real friend he ever had.

When the wars ended, that anchor was cut off and released. They went their separate ways. Heero sunk deep into the ocean as Duo sailed away into the sunset. Alone underwater, lost in freezing darkness, Heero slowly forgot of ever feeling the warmth of the sun, the light that Duo radiated. He learned to slowly climb to surface by himself, emerging out of the water and gulping for air. Nora was the one who reached her hand to help and keep him from drowning. She took him onboard her ship, and for that he was grateful. He loved her for everything she did for him, for letting him feel the sun again. Trying to move on with his life, Heero slowly forgot about Duo.

His heart was flooded with nameless feelings now that Duo was back in his life, like a dry well slowly filling with water. Every time that Duo laughed, each time he took his hand or made a silly joke while they should have been studying, Heero’s heart faltered. It was a different feeling from the one he got during the war. Between fighting, all he sought was a friend and a shoulder to lean on. Now that he had that in life, his feelings towards Duo were taking a different shade. He found himself seeking other things, beyond friendship. He didn’t know how to define these feelings, he didn’t know their name or their meaning, but he knew that they made his heart beat faster each time they flooded him. He felt ten times greater when Duo was near. He felt bigger from the inside, as though he’s about to burst. The heat inside him was sometimes unbearable. He wished he knew what to do about it, because sometimes it didn’t even let him sleep at night.

Duo occupied his every thought, his every heartbeat.

Sometimes, lying awake in his bed in the middle of the night, Heero smiled at a small and silly thought. Sometimes he smiled because he thought he was in love with Duo. It was a stupid thing to presume. He could never be sure if it was love that he was feeling, but the thought made him smile nonetheless. Instead of dreaming about blood and death, instead of having psychotic visions of being stalked or tortured and raped, he would fantasize of what it could be like... what would life be like if he was with Duo. When he did fall asleep, it would be peacefully and with ease. A smile graced his face more often.

After a few weeks of being reunited with his best friend, Heero began to notice another strange feeling. There was tension in the air. Sizzling and intense like electricity. At first he thought he was imagining it, but the feeling proved to be more real than anything he could have imagined. There was a certain tension between them, in every look, in every “accidental” or casual contact between them. Something was going on, something cooking in the air around them, and he had no idea what. There were long stares, hidden glances and a small brush of a hand over his skin even when it was unneeded. He found himself moving his chair closer to Duo’s when they sat together in the library. He would get edgy and even cranky if they were unable to meet for some reason. He missed Duo when they separated. He could also see the relief on Duo’s face when they finally did meet, like he had been yearning for it too.

He once spoke of these feelings with Nora, asking her for advice. They were sitting in her apartment with their regular afternoon tea, and Heero blushed as he spoke of these feelings. He felt embarrassed talking about them, but he needed to hear what she had to say about it. Much to his disappointment, Nora just smiled knowingly and sipped her tea. She promised him that all will be fine in time, and just kept smiling. He knew that she wasn’t mocking him, but it drove him crazy because he knew that there was something that she wasn’t telling him. That day he found it particularly hard to concentrate on his assignments.

He had been facing this difficulty all week long, being unable to focus on his studying, so he decided to take a break from the world and find sanctuary in the library. He called Nora and told her that he will not be coming over for dinner that night. Duo was still in class, as he would be until later that evening, so Heero determined that it was a good opportunity to get some work done. He couldn’t afford any more nightly excursions to some movie or pub. He had finales coming up!

It was half past nine PM and the library was rather empty. Harcourt Brace Library was a grand and luxurious hall. Its tall dome-shaped ceiling stood high and proud above the structure, overlooking the maze of shelves. Tall shelves were attached to every wall, packed with a colorful display of books. Between every few shelves there was a small spiral staircase or a ladder. Inside the large structure was a forest of bookshelves. They towered over the red carpet that covered the whole floor, arranged in tidy rows and columns. The selection of books was unheard of, there were so many books that one could spend a lifetime inside the library and still not have read them all. Between every section of bookshelves was a quiet corner for the students to sit down and study. Heavy wooden tables and comfortable chairs were stationed for the students. The polished wood shone under the warm orange light the illuminated the library. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, comfortable to sit down and read. A heavy silence ruled the library, but it was a pleasant and calming kind of silence. The kind that allowed you to relax and learn.

Heero was sitting quietly by one of the bulky wooden tables, about three open books in front of him and two more thick books sitting in a pile on the table. He had his yellow notepad in front of him, three pencils, an eraser and a sharpener. He was sitting by the Social Sciences section, buried in his psychology assignments. Each polished table had a small desk-lamp on it, providing a soft orange light for the reader. The warm ginger light washed over Heero’s features, creating soft shadows on his concentrated face. His blue eyes were focused on the text he was reading, his lips a thin line as he tried to absorb what he was reading.

His mind insisted to keep wandering all the time, reminding him of the good time Duo and he had at the local theme park that weekend. Each time he recalled the roller-coaster ride, the way Duo’s hair flapped wildly in the wind as the coaster cut through the air, he had to shake his head and re-read the paragraph. It was taking him too much time to read a single chapter. As if to tease him, his mind reminded him of how they both got soaking wet in the water-slide ride, and Duo’s white shirt suddenly became transparent and extremely tight around his torso. He had such a taut, muscular torso...

Heero snorted and rolled his eyes. He was hopeless, God damn him. He was shameless AND hopeless! He couldn’t make it through one page without thinking about Duo. He will never pass the finales if he’ll keep this up.

Taking a deep breath, Heero cleared his mind and turned the page. A new chapter, a fresh start. He was going to read this one without a SINGLE distracting thought, or his name isn’t Heero Yuy!

With that determination Heero stretched in his chair, leaned back towards the book and began reading:

“Chapter 10: Basic Drives and Motives. Part 4- SEX.”

Heero groaned and rolled his eyes. Just his rotten luck. And he thought that the previous part- HUNGER – was bad enough...

Sighing, he started reading.

“Sex, another powerful motivator, differs in many respects from hunger.”

_You can say that again_ , Heero thought sarcastically.

“Unlike food, sex is not vital to the survival of the organism, but it is essential to the survival of the species...”

Maybe it was the topic, or maybe his sense of determination, but soon enough Heero was absorbed in the book. He read it without any diversions, reading swiftly through “Biological basis of sexual behavior” to “The role of experience”, “Sexual fantasies” and “Sexual development”, until he made a full stop at the next section- “Homosexuality”.

There he halted, taking a moment to breathe. He drew away from the book, as if distancing himself from the inconvenience would somehow help. It didn’t. He found himself staring at the title, feeling guilty of even being alive.

“Heya, partner.” A soft voice came to his ears, breaking the murky glass that suddenly surrounded his mind. Heero blinked and looked up. He smiled when he saw Duo standing by his chair, chewing gum. He was wearing a dark blue sweater with a white turtleneck shirt, and a ragged backpack over his shoulder. A few of his bangs were curling at the side of his face, imitating each movement of his head. He smiled warmly at Heero, resting his hand on the back of Heero’s chair.

“Surprise.” He said with a wink, still chewing his gum. His eyes quickly ran up and down Heero’s figure, and a warm smile spread on his features as he noted the first two buttons of Heero’s white shirt were open, revealing a hint of his well-toned chest. He brought his gaze back to meet Heero’s eyes, his gaze making another small detour to survey how the light reflected off Heero’s messy chocolate bangs.

“What are you doing here?” Heero asked, following Duo with his gaze as the boy took a seat across of him, at the other side of the table. He threw his backpack to the floor and shrugged.

“My last class got canceled. Dr. Hendrix is sick or something.” He replied casually, bending down to draw some books out of his bag.

“How did you know I’d be at the library? I told you I was going home.” Heero asked with a frown.

Placing his books on the table, Duo turned to face him with a knowing smile. “I took a gamble.”

Heero smiled in return, feeling a little better than he had a moment ago. If Duo was here, he didn’t have to feel so bad about the damn book. He didn’t know why he felt so guilty in the first place. He took a few moments to watch Duo as he arranged his books and his notebook, taking the time to appreciate the way the dim orange light touched Duo’s hair. The lush chestnut strings shone under the light as Duo casually ran a hand through his bangs, pushing them backward. He was already leaning over a thick book, absorbed in reading it. There was a focused and serious expression on his face. He was chewing his gum slower, concentrating on every word.

Heero smiled affectionately and returned to his own book. There was a pleasant silence between them as both young men studied.

“Until recently, homosexuality was considered a “mental illness” or an abnormal perversion. Although many people still view homosexuality as un-natural, most psychologists and psychiatrists consider it to be a variant rather than a perversion of sexual expression and not, in itself, an indication or cause of mental illness.”

Sighing, Heero slowly looked up from the page, letting his eyes wander from written words to the sight of Duo leaning over his book and studying. His eyes lingered to the sight of Duo’s slightly parted lips, which moved silently as he read. He smiled lovingly as he turned to look at Duo’s nose. He didn’t know why he was smiling, he just did. Duo noticed none of that, being so engrossed in his book. Inhaling deeply, he forced himself to return to his own textbook.

“Much remains to be learned about the causes of homosexuality. No reliable physical differences have been found that distinguish homosexuals from heterosexuals. Although some male homosexuals may be quite feminine.” Heero frowned. “And some female homosexuals may be quite masculine in appearance, this is often not the case. There is some indication that male homosexuals have lower levels of the hormone testosterone than heterosexual males, but there is no evidence that this is the cause for homosexuality. When male homosexuals are given additional hormones, their sex drive increases (also true for heterosexual men) but their sexual preferences do not change.”

Heero snickered. Then all they got from THAT study is a bunch of horny guys ready to fuck like there’s no tomorrow...

“Is something funny?” Duo asked, raising his head up in question.

Heero hurried to swallow a smile. He shook his head. “No. Just a typo.”

Duo frowned. “Really? You should change the book... I wouldn’t trust a textbook with typos...” He smiled and returned to his book.

Heero took another moment to just stare at Duo’s hands, those strong-looking, callous yet so gentle hands, before lowering his gaze to the text.

“Storms (1981) has proposed that erotic orientation results from an interaction during early adolescence between sex-drive development and social development. According to this theory, an unusually early onset of the sex drive contributes to homosexuality, because the individual’s environment at the time is primarily homosocial (meaning males socialize with males and females with females). Storms’ theory proposes that sexual preferences in adulthood depend on the social environment that is present when the individual’s sex drive comes into full force during adolescence. If the environment is primarily homosocial, the adult’s sexual preference will tend to be homosexual; if heterosexual, the adult’s sexual preference will tend to be heterosexual.”

His breathing faltered for a second, and he had to stop reading. He closed his eyes slowly, trying to block a few dark memories from entering his mind. All of his sexual experiences until now, and especially when he was growing up, were homosexual. But they were not done by choice, they were forced upon him. And true, he did walk in a homosocial environment for most of his life, but did that really mean that he was a homosexual? Could that be a reason or an explanation for his feelings? Is that why he was looking at Duo the way he just did? Because he had been raped and forced to spend his life among other males? If that is the case, then his feelings for Duo were impure and unworthy as everything else in his life. They were born in a dark and shameful place, and thus they were not meant to be.

Saddened by the thought, Heero’s heart began beating painfully. Maybe all he was feeling right now was just another psychological complex, another scar the war and training had carved upon him. He didn’t want it to be true!

Dejected, he kept reading.

“Results from a major study on homosexuality indicates that a strong continuity between a person’s childhood and adolescent sexual feelings and his or her adult sexual preference. Contrary to the popular notion that parents are somehow responsible for their children’s homosexuality, the study reveals that parental influence was not a major factor in determining sexual preference. Sexual preference appears to depend on a complex pattern of feelings and reactions within the child that are not yet understood and cannot be traced to a single social or psychological cause.”

Heero sighed, feeling confused. So basically what the book said was- that it doesn’t matter. Why was he listening to this stupid book?! Who cares for the cause, it’s the outcome that counts. And the outcome, in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, is two people that love each other. What’s so wrong with that?

He looked up at the beautiful man sitting in front of him, washed by a warm light, looking more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen. Suddenly, he understood why Nora was smiling at him in that knowing way. It really didn’t matter, did it? He saw no point in continuing to read this book. Textbooks will tell him nothing about how or why he feels. They might give him a certain direction, throw him a bone or something, but they didn’t really know for sure. No one did. And it didn’t matter. Why try to understand when you could _feel_?

Satisfied with his conclusion, Heero slammed the book shut. When Duo looked up in surprise, Heero smiled at him.

“I’ll be right back.” He promised, getting up. He took the book with him and headed towards one of the bookshelves.

Duo watched him until he disappeared between one of the aisles. His amused amethyst eyes were glued to Heero’s jeans clad bottom the whole time, watching him as he walked. He shook his head at his own hopelessness and returned to the book. A minute later he slammed his own book shut and got up. He hurried to walk after Heero.

He found the Japanese boy in the aisle categorized under “Psychology”. He was standing on a small and wobbly three-steps-ladder, trying to reach one of the books on the high shelves. Duo couldn’t help but smile affectionately at the sight. Heero resembled a small child trying to reach the chocolate candy boxes at the top shelf in the supermarket. There were only five inches between his seeking hand and the book, but the short distance was enough to prevent him from reaching the book. He found the sight adorable when Heero carefully tried to stand on his tiptoes and reach higher. The ladder began swaying beneath Heero’s feet, stirring worry in Duo’s heart.

“Here, let me help ya out.” He said, gaining Heero’s attention. The other boy immediately gasped and whirled around. His cheeks colored in red and a sheepish smile graced his lips.

“Thanks.” He said quietly and carefully stepped down.

“No problem.” Duo assured him, brushing past him, shoulder to shoulder, as he walked to the ladder.

Heero watched him as he climbed up, and he had to smirk when he realized that Duo, who was indeed taller than him by a few inches, still had to stand on his tiptoes in order to reach the book. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched him, enjoying the sight of his long braid swinging back and forth as Duo wiggled on the ladder. 

“Damn, it’s higher than I thought.” Duo muttered, and then jumped up a little in order to snatch the book. He caught it quickly between his fingers, just before his descend. The ladder shook and waddled wildly when Duo landed on it. Heero’s eyes widened in concern.

“Duo- look out!” He called when the ladder finally tipped over. He wasted no time and launched towards Duo, trying to catch him.

They ended up crashing on the red carpet, Duo on top of Heero, pinning him down to the floor. Duo’s legs were straddled over Heero’s legs. He placed two arms at each of Heero’s side, and pushed himself up a bit so he could look down at Heero’s face. They were both panting and a bit disoriented. Their faces were an inch apart, both their lips parted as they breathed heavily. Duo could feel Heero’s chest press against his, the boy’s arms trapped somewhere under his torso. He swallowed, looking deeply into Heero’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked, panting.

Heero nodded slowly, still in shock. He couldn’t tear his eyes off Duo’s lips, the way they were carved like some grand statue. Duo’s hair was a bit tousled by their fall, long chestnut bangs hiding his face, moving up and down as Duo panted. Heero smiled warmly, his body filling with familiar warmth. He locked his gaze with Duo’s, his cobalt eyes looking deeply into the amethyst pearls above him. He could feel Duo’s hot breath caress his lips. His cheeks reddened in a rosy shade. He slowly licked his dry lips, tracing his tongue slowly over his bottom lip. Duo swallowed hard, his wide eyes watching Heero with great hesitation.

The tension was in the air again. It was thicker and heavier than before. Something in the air demanded that certain actions must be taken. Every sensation was enhanced by tenfold. The air sizzled and crackled like electricity. The sound of their heavy breathing overcame everything else. The feeling of their heartbeats, strong and wild, was nearly overwhelming.

Heero could tell that Duo was feeling the same tension he felt; he could feel it in Duo’s whole body. He could also see the uncertainty in Duo’s eyes. His fear reflected somewhere within the darker shades of his pupils. That dark OZ prison cell reflect inside the shadowy center of Duo’s eyes. Duo remembered, and so did he. But unlike Duo, he wasn’t going to let it stop him.

With a smile that spread gracefully on his lips, Heero pushed himself up and pressed his lips to Duo’s. He swallowed the surprised gasp that escaped Duo’s lips and sealed the sweet mouth with his own. His eyes were still open, looking straight into Duo’s eyes. It was the closest he’s ever been to the purple jewels, and only now he could appreciate them for their true beauty.

Duo’s eyelashes slowly fluttered, until he closed his eyes. This was all the approval Heero needed, and he closed his eyes as well. The kiss deepened as Duo pressed closer to Heero, taking charge of the kiss. He leaned heavily onto Heero, his arms moving up to bury his fingers in Heero’s thick hair. His tongue sneaked out to lick Heero’s bottom lip. He nibbled at the lush lip for a moment before Heero opened his mouth and let him in. He dipped his tongue into the warm and moist mouth, his breath quickening in anticipation. Beneath him, Heero wiggled his hands from underneath Duo’s body and brought them up. He embraced Duo tightly, letting him explore his mouth and lick every nook and cranny. His own tongue, shy and hesitant, joined the dance, and their kiss only intensified.

When they parted for air, they were both panting hard and blushing. Duo’s cheeks were a bright red and so were Heero’s. He smiled down at the blue-eyed boy, and leaned down to kiss his nose.

“How did you know I’d kiss you back?” He asked softly, looking at Heero with kind and loving eyes.

Heero smiled, his blue eyes shining. “I took a gamble.” He said, before Duo dove down for another kiss. The two rolled over on the red carpet, kissing passionately. Drowning in the intensity of the kiss, Heero decided that there was only one reason for homosexuality, and that was love.

* * *

It was strange how he sometimes lost his own identity in a dream. Sometimes, when Heero dreamed, he got lost inside someone, inside something. He was aware of himself, of his own being, and yet he knew that he was someone else. In the dream world, when he was himself and at the same time he was someone else, he occasionally got confused. At times, he forgot who he was.

Lost in a dream, Heero knew that he was someone else. He wasn’t sure if he was himself, and he wasn’t sure if he was who he thought he was, but yet he knew _excatly_ who he was. For one confusing moment, he was sure of his own being, certain of his existence, and the next moment he was lost inside someone else. Someone simple, innocent and pure. His sense of self became one with the other being. He wasn’t sure why, where, who and how he was. The only answer his dreaming mind supplied him with was that he was Hikari. A three-year-old boy, with little chubby legs, and small palms, holding his daddy’s hand as they walked together into a tall building.

A certain part of his mind, maybe logic or consciousness, hinted that it was all an illusion. A dream caused by the picture he had seen at Nora’s place. He didn’t care if it was real or not, he was hardly aware of himself to care for anything. All he knew was that his daddy’s hand felt warm and strong, and his little heart filled with pride as they walked together into daddy’s work place.

His daddy was tall. When he looked up at him, it was like looking up at the skies. His black hair bounced up and down as he walked. He liked his hair cuz it was fun to play with. It was always so messy, and you could do funny things to it. His daddy looked down and smiled at him. Hikari smiled back.

Everything in the building looked big and clean. Even the flowerpots were big, and the red armchairs were fun to bounce on. Daddy said he shouldn’t, but he did anyway. He laughed as daddy picked him up in the air and carried him to the Big Room. The Big Room was where daddy worked and it was really cool because it had a lot of room to run and play. There was even a big sofa to jump on!

For a moment Heero noted that the large panorama window at the office overlooked the whole colony. Shiny silver buildings glittered under the colony light, green trees and avenues decorating the space-settlement. But then he forgot about being so observant, about caring for such details, and he was a little boy again, simply enjoying messing with the shiny things on daddy’s desk. Sitting on top of the large desk, he drew daddy a picture with the black pen that left a lot of stains on his shirt. Daddy laughed and ruffled his hair. He was happy.

In a flash, that happiness was gone.

There was a loud sound, a big BOOM! and then everything went dark. The world shook and rattled, collapsing at his feet. Daddy jumped out of nowhere, launching at him and snatching him off the table. In an instant, he was held securely in daddy’s arms. The floor was gone and they fell. He could taste dust in his mouth. He was scared, so he began crying.

Daddy’s hands held him tight. Hot wind rushed by them as they fell. He could see fire, and dust, and smoke. He cried, screaming hysterically as the world continued to shudder. Daddy held him close, and they were still falling. It was only for a second, such a quick descend, and yet he could see so much during that time. He wanted mommy to be here. He missed her. He remembered his home. His bed. The green trees in the park. He forgot to wear his favorite blue sweater today. He didn’t feed the worms he kept in a jar. Will they die?

Something broke with a loud CRACK! when they crashed to the floor. Daddy screamed, and then there was silence. Everything hurt. Daddy was still holding him tight, squashing him. There was smoke everywhere, he couldn’t see.

‘Daddy! Daddy!’ He called but daddy was lying on him and he was very heavy and he wasn’t even moving. Rocks fell from the ceiling. There was a lot of blood on daddy’s face.

‘Daddy!!!!!!’ He screamed, crying. He used his little hands push daddy away; it was hard to breathe because daddy was so big and heavy. He was squashing him. Daddy was still holding him tight, his arms all around him, holding the back of his head, protecting him. Daddy was too heavy to move. He cried because his chest hurt real bad and there was a yucky metallic taste in his mouth.

More rocks fell from the ceiling. They landed on daddy’s back and squashed him even more. Daddy didn’t cry, he was sleeping and the blood kept his eyes shut. He felt hot because the fire was so close. He was so scared and mommy wasn’t there to help him!

Another rock fell from the ceiling. He saw it come closer and closer until it hit his head.

Then there was darkness. Everything was quiet. He didn’t remember being Hikari anymore.

Heero was overwhelmed with fear. He was half aware of the fact that he was crying. His head hurt like it was actually hit by something sharp. Dream images swirled and whirled around him. All of the debris, the blood, and the smoke. They whirled around him like a crazed twister. He began fighting them off, pushing them away as he cried and screamed.

He was trashing wildly in his bed. Duo’s strong arms were around him as he whispered softly in his ear.

“Shhh... Hee-chan... shhh... It’s just a dream... It’s all right... everything is all right...”

Dazed and confused, Heero slowly opened his eyes. Glazed cobalt orbs blinked in the dark, trying to come back to focus. He was panting harshly, his whole body trembling. He felt Duo gather him into his arms, and he rested his aching head on Duo’s chest. He took a slow breath and closed his eyes. His heart pounded strongly in his chest and a nasty headache was drilling into his skull. He sighed tiredly and curled closer to Duo.

The two lay quietly on Heero’s sofa/bed, together under a soft quilt. The hour was late and only darkness could be seen outside the window. A strong orange light of a portable heater lighted the small apartment. The intense ginger light made the entire apartment glow with warmth, washing everything with a golden hue.

Despite the pleasant heat surrounding the apartment, Heero was still shivering. He lay close to Duo, holding him like a lifeline, trying to shake off the effects of the nightmare. Duo was lying on his back, slightly tilted to the side, his arms resting securely around Heero. His naked torso was washed by the golden light of the heater, his hair messy from sleep. His worried amethyst eyes shimmered under the orange light, looking down at Heero with deep concern. He reached to pet his boyfriend’s hair, his other hand gently rubbing Heero’s smooth back.

The blue-eyed boy lay still beside Duo, his head resting on Duo’s chest. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, concentrating on the feeling of Duo’s tender fingers in his hair, and the soothing movement of his palm on his naked back. After a long while of silence, he felt Duo’s chest falter as he took a deep breath. He could feel the hesitation in the air, before Duo slowly spoke.

“Are you all right?” He asked slowly, as if speaking to a child.

“I think I hit my head...” Heero mumbled against Duo’s chest, his voice numb.

“What? When? Where?” Duo blurted in a hurry, checking Heero for injuries.

The boy sighed tiredly, and slumped against Duo’s body. “Maybe that’s why... I’m not sure... I think...” He murmured in confusion, his voice distant, like he was still dreaming. He was looking ahead with dull eyes, the blue orbs glazed over with shock.

“Heero, what are you talking about? What happened?” Duo asked anxiously, his heart beating faster. “Are you all right?”

Heero didn’t answer. He reached a hand from underneath the covers, and slowly brought it to his head. He felt around his temples, his slim fingers digging into his thick hair, feeling around as well. He drew his fingers from his hair, looking at them as if expecting to see blood.

Duo looked at him in confusion. “Heero, what’s wrong? What happened?”

Sighing heavily, Heero let his hand fall down limply. He laid it on Duo’s chest and pulled closer to him, snuggling against his warm body.

There was a tense and heavy silence, at which Duo looked anxiously at Heero. His heart was racing, his expression confused.

“Do you remember your name, Duo?” Heero murmured in a tired voice, caressing Duo’s chest with the tip of his fingers. He drew small circles over the smooth skin, his eyes looking ahead at nothing. “Do you remember your real name?”

Duo was silent, his expression haunted as he stared at the air before him. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes slowly, as if trying to recall something that was lost to him. “No, I don’t.” he answered gravely, “I... I don’t think I was ever given one.”

Heero sighed, the look in his eyes forlorn and miserable. “I think I used to have a name, a long time ago. Maybe I... I think I forgot it...”

More images flickered through his mind, bright ones and dark ones mixing together. The green trees in the park. A big explosion. That man’s - his father? No, he can’t be. It was just a dream – smile. His mother’s blue dress. A big rock, crashing down on him. Darkness. Odin Lowe, who found him and asked him for his name. Where did he find him? It was dark. He didn’t remember. He didn’t know what to answer when he asked for his name. ‘Wakaranai... wakaranai...’ he had mumbled. His hands were sticky with blood. Odin carried him away to someplace dark. More images of that building, behind the trees. He missed it. Long hair. Blue dress. Oh, how his head hurt... ‘What is your name, boy? Do you understand me? What. Is. Your. _Name_?’

“Wakaranai...” Heero mumbled with a sigh, letting his aching head sink deeper into Duo’s chest.

Worried by Heero’s behavior, Duo wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. He leaned down to kiss the top of his head, his violet eyes shining with concern. “Just go back to sleep, Heero. Shh... just go to sleep...” He whispered soothingly, his voice shaking with emotion. His heart ached for his love, making his eyes moist with tears. Heero sounded so confused and fragile at the moment, that it broke his heart.

“Hold me.” Heero asked quietly, his voice heavy with sleep. Closing his eyes, he snuggled closer to Duo and he buried his face in Duo’s broad chest. He pulled his hands out of the covers and reached to hug the other man. The sheets rustled as Duo’s hands slowly wrapped around him. Heero sighed pleasingly, feeling better already.

Looking down at Heero, Duo noted that the white covers fell aside due to his previous trashing. He reached a hand to pull them up again, being careful not to stir Heero awake. He let them slide over Heero’s boxer-clad waist, and like a caress, he pulled them up to his slender shoulders. The boy didn’t respond, and Duo assumed that he fell asleep. With a heavy sigh, Duo leaned back into his pillow and sunk into a swamp of grim thoughts.

If only there was a way to ease Heero’s pain... he’d do anything to see him smile again. He hated seeing him so upset, haunted by something he couldn’t understand. It was painful to see that confused look in Heero’s blue eyes. He wanted to make him happy. He was ready to do anything in order to see Heero shine again.

* * *

“Oh man...” Duo mumbled nervously, shifting from side to side. “I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” He said, his tone mock-accusing. He was standing by Heero’s side, in the main hallway of Nora’s floor. He was here to fulfill his promise to Heero, his best friend and recently established boyfriend, to come and meet his counterpart, the other most important person in Heero’s life.

“For the life of me I feel like I’m here to ask your mother for your hand in marriage or somet’in...” He muttered, taking a nervous breath and running a hand through his bangs, for the umpteenth time that evening.

“Duo, you’re over reacting, don’t you think?” Heero replied softly, his tone amused. “She is not my mother and you are not here to ask for anything. We’re just going over for dinner. It’s important for me that you’ll meet her.”

“I know... I know...” Duo mumbled, shaking his head at his own silliness. “I just said that it _feels_ like it...” He sighed, turning to look at Heero with eyes shimmering with doubt. “I mean, does she know about... us? Is that... I mean... am I supposed to act different, or maybe, I mean... I dunno...”

“Duo, relax!” Heero said, laughing lightly. Duo smiled sheepishly in return. His smile grew into a warm and loving expression when Heero continued laughing softly. He enjoyed that sound more than anything else in the world. It was a wonder in itself to hear Heero laughing.

“Besides,” Heero continued, snickering, “She knew about us even before WE knew about us!”

“I don’t follow.” Duo muttered with a frown, taking another long breath to calm himself. He swallowed, looking up at Heero with a ‘please don’t make me do this’ look.

Heero smiled warmly and laid a hand over Duo’s. “Come on, she doesn’t bite.”

Sighing, Duo followed Heero to the door. While Heero knocked, Duo took the time to make himself more presentable, arranging the collar of his white shirt, which was under a beige sweater, and running a hand twice and then thrice threw his hair. First impressions are the most crucial, he mused.

He looked up at his boyfriend, and his gaze softened. Heero looked gorgeous no matter what he wore. He could even make a pair of spandex and a tank top look good. And the clothes he was wearing now were a far better eye treat than his old attire. With the tight black jeans he was wearing and the sky-blue shirt that clung to his torso, Duo found it hard to keep his eyes off the beautiful young man. He had to remind himself not to ogle during dinner, or he’ll only end up embarrassing himself ever more than he probably would anyway.

Heero knocked again, and then carefully opened the door. He sent Duo a short glance, silently asking if he was ready. When Duo offered a faltering smile in return, Heero smiled back and opened the door.

“Nora? We’re here.” He said, entering the apartment.

Swallowing hard, Duo carefully walked behind him. He took a moment to scan the small apartment, his eyes taking in the bright wallpaper, the colorful plants that decorated the living room, the cozy living room and the grand dinner table awaiting them. The table was decorated beautifully, with a white table map, fine china plates and shiny silverware. There were two candles burning at the center of the table and a small flower arrangement by their side. A delicious aroma of home cooking was in the air. Duo smiled at the sight. There was a lot of love and effort put into this meal. It made his heart warm.

“Nora?” Heero called again, concern in his voice.

“Just a second!” Nora’s voice came from the bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable! I’ll be right there!”

Heero turned around to face Duo. He shrugged helplessly and Duo snickered.

“Women.” Duo mouthed as a joke, and Heero chuckled.

“I’ll be right back.” He promised and made his way to the bedroom.

Heero knocked softly at Nora’s bedroom door before entering. He stepped carefully into the bedroom, ready to retreat if she told him so. When he didn’t hear her protest, he turned away from the door and faced the room. A small and loving smile touched his lips at the sight before him.

A soft orange light illuminated the small bedroom, casting a warm ginger glow on everything. Nora was standing by a small dresser, brushing her hair. She was wearing a modest blue dress that reached down to her ankles. The dress was a beautiful shade of sky-blue, and it hung gracefully over the curves of her body. She was very slender for a woman her age, and the simple yet elegant dress did her body justice. Her long brown hair was unbound, cascading down her back in a wavy waterfall. The light reflected on the lush hairs as she ran the brush through them, making her hair shine even more.

“You look beautiful, Nora.” Heero whispered in awe, feeling warm inside. He walked towards her, gently taking the brush from her hand. “Here, let me.” He said softly, taking a stand behind her.

Nora smiled sheepishly; bowing her head while her cheeks blushed. “You don’t have to say that,” she whispered as he slowly began brushing her hair, “I just found this old thing buried in the closet. I was surprised that it still fits.”

“Well, it suits you.” Heero said, gathering a handful of soft brown hairs and brushing them gently. The room coated with a warm honey-flavored silence as the two stood under the ginger light, Heero brushing Nora’s hair lovingly. He ran the brush slowly through the lush waterfall of brown silk, his eyes enjoying the way the light shone on each wave.

When he drew the brush away, he noted that quite a few hairs were tangled around the brush. Frowning, he ignored it and placed the brush on the dresser.

“Would you like me to braid it for you?” He asked quietly, refusing to break the magic of the moment by speaking loudly. He gathered a handful of her lush hair, tenderly running it between his fingers. A few more molting hairs got tangled around his fingers. With a confused frown, he shook them off.

“There’s no need. I’d like to wear it down.” Nora said, slowly turning around to face him. She smiled, a hint of sadness tugging at the edges of her smile. “Who knows how long I’d be able to show-off my hair like this, right?” She finished with a bitter chuckle.

Heero rolled his eyes. “Don’t be silly, Nora. Only men grow bold. If anyone should be worried, it’s me.” He joked, taking a small step back to stand in front of Nora. He examined her with loving eyes, looking at her from head to toe. An amiable smile spread slowly on his lips, reaching to his eyes and making them shine.

“You really are beautiful, Nora.” He whispered, reaching a hand forward to caress her cheek.

Nora smiled in embarrassment and bowed her head, blushing. Her blind blue eyes were shimmering under the orange light that filled the room. Her heart filled with warmth and love for the young man standing before her.

“Thank you, Heero.” She whispered back, and then took a deep breath. She looked up at him again, a smile on her lips. She reached to take his hand, holding his warm palm tenderly.

“Now, let’s go meet that friend of yours.” She said, and the two made their way out of the bedroom.

* * *

Heero helped Nora serve the food to the table and Duo praised her for every bite he took. The meal was delicious, as he made sure to inform her every once in a while. He was very polite and well-mannered. She couldn’t help but sense that he was feeling awkward, like he had to make a good impression on her. For some odd reason, she felt that he wanted her approval for some reason. She received the same vibe from Heero. There was a sheepish note to their tone, and she could hear/sense (it was never clear to her how she was able to pick up these things) that they were both restricting their movements for some reason. They were feeling uncomfortable to act freely around her. She didn’t want it to be this way. She did her best to make them feel comfortable.

Halfway through the meal, the ice melted. She could tell by their voices that they were not restraining themselves anymore. From that point on, dinner was a delightful event. The candles that lit the dinner table burnt brightly, lighting the eyes of the table’s occupants with a warm glow. Happy smiles and joyful laughter filled every conversation.

Nora was charmed by Duo’s lively personality. She enjoyed the sound of his voice, and she was enchanted by every tale he told. He had a very interesting way to tell things, which made her feel like she had been there too. His laughter was rich and warm, like honey. He scored an even higher score in her book when she noted that he could make Heero smile at each little joke he threw in the air. The sound of both young men laughing filled the small apartment, accompanied by Nora’s light giggles. She was unused to the sound of her own laughter. She didn’t remember laughing so much in a long, long, while. Duo was a charming young man full of life, laughter and knowledge. She never grew tired of listening to him, or sensing the joy he had brought into Heero’s life. She was happy for the two of them, so happy that it brought her to tears in the midst of a fit of laughter.

After they were done eating, they simply remained seated, and spoke for an hour more. There was just so much to talk about; they never ran out of topics for conversation. Duo always had something to say to fill any silence, and once or twice it was even Heero who brought up one topic or another. Nora enjoyed listening to them, even if they sometimes got lost in their own nostalgia and left her out of the conversation for a short walk down Memory Lane. She simply leaned on the table, and listened with a smile. There was so much thrill, enthusiasm and passion in their voices that one couldn’t help but enjoy listening to them. It was obvious how close they had gotten during the war, and how much they’ve been through together.

“That’s not true.” Heero spoke determinedly, shaking his head as he turned to look at Duo. “It was not _stealing_ , it was _borrowing_. I simply borrowed the parts.”

Duo rolled his eyes. “You never returned them, so it was _stealing_.” His tone was accusing, but his eyes shone with amusement. It was evident that they had this little argument many times in the past, until it became a laughing matter.

Heero shifted his gaze aside for a moment, sheepish. “Uh, well, they got blown up somehow...”

Duo snorted. “Pff! Gee, I wonder how exactly.” He muttered and slapped Heero on the back of his head.

“Ouch.” Heero called, mock-glaring at his boyfriend. “That hurt, baka.”

Nora chuckled, shaking her head. “I’ll go make some tea.” She stated, slowly getting up.

Heero turned to look at her, feeling a little guilty for leaving her out of the conversation. “Do you need any help?” He asked, ready to get up.

“No, no, you two enjoy yourselves.” She hurried to assure him, gesturing at him to sit down as she headed to the kitchen.

Heero made a displeased face and got up anyway. “She’s so stubborn sometimes.” He muttered as he began to clear the table, gathering the plates. His skilled hands moved quickly to gather the dishes, as he did often at the diner, and soon there was a large pile of plates resting in his arms. He gave the task no consideration, looking up in the direction of the kitchen. Sighing, he shook his head and muttered: “She drives me crazy with her stubbornness.”

Duo chuckled, handing Heero an empty salad bowl. “She reminds me of you.”

Heero slowed down for a moment, thinking, and then shrugged. He sighed, his slim fingers expertly gathering the silverware left lying on the table. “I guess she does.” He said slowly, thoughtfully. “And still it drives me crazy.”

Duo’s hand sneaked under the table and brushed playfully over Heero’s thigh. Heero smiled shyly, his movements faltering for a moment. The soothing movement of Duo’s fingers over his thigh managed to calm him a bit. He finished collecting the plates and prepared to leave.

“I’ll be right back.” He promised, slightly out of breath, and rushed to the kitchen.

He entered the kitchen and placed the pile of plates by the sink. Nora was standing by the stove, warming a kettle of water.

“Dinner was great.” He said softly, reaching up for the cupboard above the sink. He pulled out three white china mugs, decorated with a simple blue pattern.

Nora smiled, nodding her head. “I’m glad you think so.” She pointed at the direction of the cupboard. “There’s a teapot in the cupboard. Bring it down, will you?”

Heero reached up; standing on his tiptoes, and took the teapot from the top shelf in the cupboard.

“Duo is a very interesting young man.” Nora stated casually, arranging a few tea bags, honey, lemon and sugar on a shiny silver tray.

“Yes, he is.” Heero agreed, taking a carton of milk out of the fridge. He liked his tea with milk and honey. He placed the milk on the tray as well.

“I can’t remember hearing you laugh so much.” Nora continued speaking matter-of-factly as she reached to lift the kettle off the stove.

Heero smiled shyly, slightly blushing. “I’m glad you liked him.”

Nora turned to smile at him, though there was something very serious, very intense, in her gaze. Her blind blue eyes seemed to be looking straight into him and back out. Heero swallowed, taken aback by that gaze.

“Heero,” she began slowly, “Please don’t miss this chance. I think you will be very happy with him. You already are.”

Heero let out a small, relieved, sigh. He smiled and nodded his head. “Hai. I don’t think I will let it slip by.”

Nora relaxed as well. “Good. I was afraid that you were still filled with silly thoughts about ‘right’, ‘wrong’, and other nonsense. There’s no right or wrong in love, I hope you know that.”

Heero nodded. “Yes. I know. I’ve realized that love is just... love.” He said with a smile. Nora smiled back.

“Good. I’m glad I got it off my che--” She suddenly gulped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. She began to cough and gag loudly.

Heero’s eyes widened in worry. “Nora?” He asked, panicked, and rushed to her side. “Nora, what’s wrong?” He repeated when the woman didn’t stop coughing.

Nora didn’t answer and opened in a frantic run out of the kitchen. Duo, who was still sitting by the dinner table, managed to see her streak by the table and run to the hallway. A door was slammed shut and then Heero burst running out of the kitchen, following her. Confused, Duo got up as well and ran after him.

He made it to the hallway just in time to see Heero banging on the bathroom’s door.

“Nora?!” He called worriedly, his tone fearful. He was panting and his features were pale with worry. From within the bathroom, he could hear sounds of gagging and coughing, like vomiting.

“Nora!? Nora! What’s wrong?” He asked desperately, his blue eyes looking miserably at the door. He threw a hand towards the doorknob and shook it violently. The door was locked, and it only rattled loudly under his assault. He felt so helpless at the moment, which made him punched the door in a frustrated attempt to do something.

Duo’s warm hand sneaked carefully over his shoulder, trying to calm him. “Heero, calm down. Please.” He whispered, looking worriedly at his boyfriend. Heero’s shoulders were tense and his every muscle taut. Duo stroked his shoulder soothingly, trying to offer as much comfort as he could.

“Move back.” Heero hissed coldly, and Duo knew better than to argue. He took a few steps back and watched as Heero rammed himself at the door, opening it by force. Without waiting for Duo’s response to his actions, Heero burst into the small bathroom.

He found Nora kneeling in front of the toilet, the folds of her blue dress lying on the floor, surrounding her like a puddle. Her long brown hair shone under the bright light in bathroom, moving left and right as she leaned over the toilet to vomit.

“Nora?” Heero whispered dreadfully, and took a small step towards her.

The woman did not respond, and leaned closer to the toilet, still vomiting.

Heero kneeled by her carefully, and placed a trembling hand over her back. He rubbed her back soothingly, trying to help, to ease, to be of any use at all. His miserable blue eyes watched her in worry as she emptied her dinner into the white porcelain. His expression was lost and his features pale. All he could do was stroke her back slowly, his fingers gliding over her long brown hair.

Duo stood at the doorway, watching them silently.

After a while, Nora calmed and slumped against the toilet, panting. Her features were pale and tired, dark circles under her eyes. She was breathing heavily, her mouth wide open as she gasped for air.

“I’ll bring her some water.” Duo muttered, and slowly turned to leave. Heero sent him a thankful glance and then turned back to Nora.

“Are you all right?” He whispered timidly, his voice faltering as he spoke. He was still rubbing her back, and when she slowly straightened up, he was forced to let go. His hand slid off her passively, and dangled lifelessly at his side. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her, his blue eyes shimmering with worry and fear.

“What happened?” He asked quietly, watching her carefully for any sign of discomfort.

“Nothing.” Nora muttered, wiping her mouth. She took a deep breath and tilted her head back for a moment, trying to relax. “I overate, that’s all.” She finally said, turning to face him. She smiled, but her smile faltered. “Just an upset stomach. It’s been bothering me all day.”

Heero frowned, unconvinced. “Are you ill? Why didn’t you say so? You shouldn’t have forced yourself to make dinner tonight.” His tone was harsh, like he was rebuking a child. His worry over her tended to make him over-protective, like a parent over a child. It was absurd in a way, but he didn’t care.

“Don’t be silly, Heero.” Nora whispered, slightly out of breath. Duo walked into the bathroom and handed her a glass of water.

“Thank you.” She mumbled and took a small sip. Heero’s worried blue eyes were on her the whole time.

“Maybe I should stay the night.”

Putting the glass away, Nora shook her head slowly. “Please, Heero, there’s no need. You two have plans.” She said tiredly, turning to face Heero with a forced smile. “I’ll be fine.”

“Demo—” Heero objected, shaking his head in a desperate motion.

“Nora, maybe he’s right.” Duo interjected, his tone careful for he felt out of place to say such things. “If you are feeling ill, then...”

“Boys, please! I’m fine.” Nora insisted, “It was just a slight nausea... I overate. That’s all.” She said, and with a groan she struggled up to her feet. Heero got up as well, reaching a hand to help her.

“Are you sure?” he asked, helping her stand, “I really don’t mind staying, and if you need anything then please say so.”

Nora smiled warmly, her eyes shining as she turned to face him. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Heero, I’m fine. Don’t fuss over me, I don’t appreciate it.”

Heero made a face, but kept his mouth shut. Sighing, he lowered his head and muttered: “Fine. I’m sorry.” He reluctantly let go of her, and prepared to walk out of the bathroom. Duo was waiting at the doorway, watching them silently. When Heero reached the doorstep, he sighed and turned back to face the woman.

“Just... just call if you need anything...” he pleaded, his blue eyes shimmering, “Please?”

Nora sighed, pushing her long hair out of her eyes. She turned to ‘look’ up at him, smiling. “All right. I will.”

Heero smiled shakily in return, still worried and confused. “Thank you.” He mumbled, and then walked out of the bathroom.

Duo was already waiting for him in the living room.

“Is it okay to leave her like this?” He asks worriedly, his heart aching for Heero. The young man’s anguish was shining clearly in his blue eyes.

“Yeah.” Heero breathed, his voice tired. He walked heavily towards the kitchen. “I’ll just... I’ll wash the dishes and then we’ll go.” He mumbled dejectedly.

Duo hurried to catch up with him, so he could walk by his side, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Sure. I’ll help ya.” He promised with a warm smile, and the two set to work.

* * *


End file.
